Can't Fit into My Mommy Genes

Tag: Uncategorized

Dean-o-Rama

Hooray for Maggie!

I promised her I would actually register (aka pay $81) to run the half marathon if she would start up her blog again.  Apparently just saying I will do it doesn’t have anyone convinced.

She kept up her end of the deal with this hilarious documentary of her life.  Be sure to check it out!

Don’t be sad when you realize I steal all of my funny lines from her.

Weekend Update

Remember how I said I wasn’t drinking again?

Wait?  Did I not say that?  That’s right.  I would never say that.

I did however,  have a hard time swallowing that first sip of Shiner Cheer (for those of you not from Texas click here) at Lights in the Heights this past weekend.  For those of you not from the Heights, Lights in the Heights is a street party where you can walk around, look at lights, listen to bands on every block, drink adult beverages, and wear festive clothing.  Terry and I decided to make the evening into a date night which was unique to the typical Lights in the Heights scene.  Most people like to go in packs to these types of events, but we enjoyed not having the commotion of a big group.   We got to do our own thing and continually replenish our holiday cheer.

Don’t worry:  we were walking this time,  so we abstained from being any sort of threat to society by operating a motor vehicle.

Our puppy Louis might beg to differ,  as he was at the mercy of his leash.

The rest of the weekend was pretty low key.  I saw Breaking Dawn (finally!) with my sister and sister-in-law (Anna and Maggie).  It was of course delightfully indulgent, and it was the first Twilight saga movie I have seen that didn’t require my group to have to split up.

Warning:  very mild Breaking Dawn spoilers below:

I still wasn’t feeling so hot (see previous post), so when it came time for Bella to drink the blood I nearly had to exit the theater.  I literally could not control my gag reflux.

Of course Anna and Maggie just thought that was hilarious.

Then, when Bella finally goes into labor at the end of the movie – you know that whole back snapping in half, blood stained hospital bed, series of vampire bites, complete with CPR finale, part?   Maggie takes that opportunity to lean over and say:

“Don’t worry it is nothing like this in real life”

She damn well better be right!  If I am going to go through any experience such as that one, Terry’s skin best start shimmering, and I better stay ridiculously hot for the rest of my immortal life.

Needless to say, we followed up the weekend with a long run on Sunday and and even longer trip to church.

The Hangover

I am so hungover this morning. I almost didn’t write a post, but I thought this is something a not mom should write about. Why not write while the pain is fresh to bring out the accuracy of the situation?

We had a mani/pedi party at work last night for all of our clients. It is the greatest idea ever. We booked the whole nail salon and had food and booze catered. Since women run the world these days, our client list is made up of mostly females (as is our office). It was a great way to show appreciation for them, and get to know them each a little better.

Meanwhile, my family is gathering at an annual Christmas party just a few minutes away. This is the first year that Lucy, my niece, has been able to come, and I didn’t want to miss out. As soon as the nail party was winding down I decided to skip over to catch the last hour of that party as well.

Keep in mind, I haven’t had one sip of alcohol yet. I’m still watching my calories/carbs, so I ate very little all day in and effort to enjoy a few extra calories throughout the night.

While at the family Christmas gathering, Lucy wanted Aunt Molly to dance with her, but Aunt Molly had just gotten a pedicure. In fact, Aunt Molly was already panicked on the inside because she was sure the heals she was wearing were destroying her freshly polished toes just by wearing them.

I’m resourceful when it comes to things like this, so I just walked Lucy over to where all the other kids were dancing. Lucy immediately hugs her new friend Riley (how sweet is that?) and they begin spinning around. There is a lot of action at this point of the party and Lucy is all but form tackling Riley. I’m of course awkward and have no idea what the appropriate ettiquette is in this situation. Thankfully Riley’s mom and my mom appear to help supervise the situation. Once I casually mention that I’m Lucy’s aunt, Riley’s mom’s entire reaction indicates to me that she is relieved I’m not in fact Lucy’s mom. That can’t be a good sign.

The party winds down, Lucy and Riley part ways, and I grab a brandy freeze as my “treat” for the night.

And so it begins.

My parents, Terry, and I decide we can keep the party going for one more night cap. My boss and other co-workers were having a post nail party gathering nearby, so we decided to join them. Six drinks later, it was 1AM and I was hammered.

I even did the Cuban shuffle with an elderly African American man wearing a sparkly suit, fedora, sunglasses, and taps on his shoes. I called him Ray and told him the next time I came, I would bring my tap shoes and we could tap together.

Then I managed to drive my car home (IDIOT!), and yelled at Terry because he wouldn’t “hold me standing up”. He argued that he would hold me once we got in bed, and I said that was ludicrous and then accused him of not loving me anymore.

Did I mention I’m a TON of fun when I’m wasted?

That brings us to today. I could barely stand in the shower. I was dry heaving until I took my Nexium pill. Threw that up. Tried to sip some water then took an Excedrin 30 minutes later and threw that up. Then I managed to drive my sorry ass to work, only to throw up in the parking garage as soon as I arrived. Some man saw me, and I’m hoping he assumed I was pregnant.

I think this is the first time in my life that I wish I was pregnant and not hungover. Somehow that seems like the better alternative right now.

The Luck of the Irish

Last night we went to see the Irish Tenors perform with the Houston Symphony.  I didn’t really have expectations for the performance, high or low,  because I wasn’t all that familiar with their music.  I came along to see my family and enjoy the night out.

Well, now I love the Irish Tenors.

I mean how cute are three little Irish men belting out Irish tunes and Christmas carols.

All dressed in matching suits and red ties, nonetheless.  Precious.

It was a really fun night out, but I had literally been gone ALL day.  My poor puppy was in his box for way too long, so I felt guilty going straight to bed when we got home.  Terry wanted to wake up and work out, so I let him off the hook and he got to go to sleep.

I played with Louis until 12:30.  And the whole time I thought to myself how selfless I was being to play with my little guy and sacrifice the morning workout AND sleep.  I gave myself a little pat on the back and thought I was probably one baby step closer to being ready for children.

If having children means you can keep them in a crate while you go about your normal life.  Isn’t that what a pack n play is for?  kidding!!!

It’s a San Francisco Treat

Terry and I are celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary just short of a month from now with a trip to San Francisco.  We have both never been, so we are looking forward to discovering a new city together.  And drinking lots of wine.

This time of year always makes me smile because it reminds me of that last month of being engaged.  It was so much fun anticipating our wedding and hoping all of our hard work and attention to detail would pay off.    And to finally be called Mr. and Mrs Gage (or ” Senoras Ga-Gay” as everyone in Mexico pronounced it on our honeymoon).

We booked our flight so long ago using free miles on American Airlines gifted to us by my dad.  Thankfully for us, he is tired of the mandatory layover in Dallas.  Now that the time has come to prep for the trip, we realized we were also invited to a wedding in San Diego the same weekend.  And American Airlines filed for bankruptcy.

At least our marriage is still going strong.  We are the only thing holding this trip together!

Never you worry, we are restructuring a trip to make the wedding happen and confirming that American will at least get us partially there and back.  God bless you Southwest Airlines for your great rates.  Despite the headache of moving it all around, I feel very lucky to get the chance to anticipate another fun weekend in our lives as a couple.  Now we get to go to a wedding (one of my favorite things to do!) and spend part of our time in another great city with even greater friends.

Alphabet Soup

This week has been cuuhhrrraaazzzzyyyy.  I can’t believe we are only rounding out Tuesday.  Terry and I were incredibly productive on Sunday, so I guess that makes the week seem longer.  We grocery shopped, cleaned the whole house from top to bottom, and then decorated it for Christmas.   It looks so cute.  I would show you, but I don’t want creeps knowing where I live.

Since we grocery shopped, you would think I would know what I’m making for dinner this week.  Wrong.  We have another busy week on the party circuit, so I didn’t think we needed to worry about dinners this week all that much.   Well, with the exception of tonight.  We don’t have anything on the schedule, and since I have been working a little later, I decided to knock it out this morning in the crockpot.  I didn’t really have a recipe or an aresenal of obvious ingredients, so I kind of just made something up.

Out of sheer embarrassment, I won’t tell you what I put in that crockpot.  I told both my dad and Terry this morning and both of their responses were “looks like somebody is having pizza tonight.”

I guess I’ll need to improve my ad hoc cooking skills before I start a family.

Never Say Never

Happy Friday!  Today has been kind of busy!  It isn’t even lunchtime, and I have accomplished the following things:

  • Had my grandmother’s dining room furniture delivered to my house.  Hooray!  I inherited it from my older brother Marc, and I’m so glad he let it go.  He knows it too, and he isn’t even phased.  This is why God gives you brothers.
  • Decorated my office for Christmas
  • Actually did some work related things
  • Commited to run a half marathon in March.

What?!!!!!  You read that correctly.  My jeans are still tight, and my sister-in-law caught me in a very weak moment.

very weak moment.

Running a half marathon is something I said I would NEVER EVER WOULD RATHER EAT POISON THAN THINK OF DOING never do.  To be honest, the whole idea still sounds miserable to me.  But the weather is changing to be fun running weather, my sister/sister-in-law/Terry are all running it together, and I was promised cupcakes, cheeseburgers, and beer when I finish.

I did try to argue I could do that part anyways.  You can see where that got me.

And this is is the year of things to do for myself.  So I’m doing it.  I really am trying to say “yes” to as many things as possible because you just never know when you will get the opportunity to do it again.

Terry, if you are reading this, that explains my cyber Monday spending also.

xo

Christmas on a Mission

I have had three Christmas parties to go to between today and yesterday.  And today is only December 1st.

Last night we kicked off the party circuit with a Christmas fundraiser (or “fun raiser” as my dad would call it) for The Mission of Yahweh.  Terry is a member of the board, and we really believe in their purpose.  I also really believe in parties for a purpose, just FYI.

While we were there, we got to visit with my friend, Rebecca, and her boss.  Her boss is who introduced us to the organization by inviting Rebecca and friends to sit at their table at the annual spring gala last year.  Since we all love to party for a purpose, an instant friendship was formed.

As we were chatting last night, he asked us why we didn’t have any children yet.  This man has 14 children, so naturally he would think making babies is something you do frequently.  We told him to wait another year and then we might answer that question.

Then he bet me $100 that I would regret not having children sooner.  I didn’t refute the claim immediately, but after sleeping on it I’ve decided to stand my ground on this one.  Anyone who would dedicate an entire blog to what they want to accomplish before having children surely won’t regret her decision to do so.  Right?! Right.

The only thing that bothered me a tiny bit is when I told him we were having a lot of fun just us two and wanted to keep it up just a little longer, he told me that I didn’t even know what fun is yet.

So confidently!  Like I was a middle schooler who couldn’t even imagine what high school would be like.

I would be lying if I didn’t feel like I was now missing out on something.  But just like in middle school, I knew I didn’t want to grow up too fast.  I took things at my own pace then, and it worked out for me, so I’m sticking to that plan again.  Afterall, I have the rest of my life to be a parent (and drink and have sex hehe).

 

 

Is There a Doctor in the House?

I don’t have a doctor. Like a regular internal medicine, go to when you are sick, doctor. I have like 5 specialists, but no one that will do a physical.

I should probably get one before I get pregnant, huh?

Shamefully, I always rely on my brother and sister-in-law (ENT/oncologist respectively) when I feel down.

I think the time has come to search for someone (people with United Healthcare in the Houston area feel free to refer) that can be on the roster for an annual checkup.

Then maybe that person can find me a great pediatrician 🙂

Spotted: Blair Waldorf Pregnant

Gossip Girl is one of my favorite shows.  For those of you that aren’t familiar with it, it’s the story of a handful of privileged high school/college age children from New York City’s Upper East Side.  They are magically the most popular people in New York City.  Because of this great burden, they are constantly watched and reported on by the omnipresent “Gossip Girl”.  Her website is linked to every phone in the Tri-state area, so when she reports on this chosen few, the whole East Coast knows about it.

So basically it is just a better version of the early 90’s 90210.  That’s right.  I said it.

Given that the show is set in one of the most fashion forward cities in the world, the clothes are one of the biggest reasons people watch the show.  Chuck Bass is probably the second and only reason people watch the show besides the clothes.

That brings us to my point:  Blaire Waldorf, who shares the role of female protaganist, is pregnant!  Not only might it be Chuck’s baby (it totally is.  I feel it in my bones), but she has access to all of the greatest maternity clothes known to man.

Why screen writers, could you not have waited utnil next season to make her pregnant?!!  Then I could have copied her outfits and literally eaten bon bons while indulging in this Monday night majesty.  At the risk of sounding completely creepy, I am totally bummed that this fictional character and I could not be pregnant together.

See this is what happens when most of your friends are still single.  You resort to your made up friends to share experiences with.

Alas, I will just have to document her outfits to the best of my ability.  This will be a slight challenge for two reasons:  a) the actress that plays her isn’t really pregant therefore creating an unrealistic image of pregnancy b) her character isn’t married yet (to the Prince of Monaco!! squeal!!), so they have to hide her bump for a while.  PS:  The Grimaldi’s were really nice to allow this much creative license.  I guess that is how you compete with Kate Middleton.

Kate Middleton! I just realized that maybe she and I can be pregnant together?!  Upgrade!