Can't Fit into My Mommy Genes

Month: September, 2012

Auf Wiedersehen!!

We are off to the Duetcheland today!  I can’t believe it is here.  Nevertheless, I am shamelessly looking forward to leaving work, going to get my preflight mani/pedi, giving my parents a big hug (they are so thoughtful and are driving us to the airport), and pre-partying at the United Lounge before our flight.  Free booze and snacks? Yes please.  We are getting to the airport extra early not because of security lines, but to enjoy free alcohol.  That is how we roll.


Her name is Molly! I love it!

You never know, this might be the last time for a while where I can drink wine, pop an ambien, eat soft cheeses, and drink lots of beer.  It is going to be great.


On the Lam

On June 23, 2012 I was pulled over for “allegedly speeding” outside my neighborhood on the way to work.  I was cited for said “alleged speeding” AND for “failure to maintain financial responsibility”.  Um, excuse me? Do you know what I do for a living?

Apparently, even though they can run your license plates, and they know you have insurance, these jackwagon constables feel like they need to give you a ticket to keep their jobs.  I get it.  I really do.  But what I don’t get is how they don’t understand it is incredibly annoying for me to fax them a copy of my insurance.  It is one more thing I really don’t need in my life.  It is inefficient and a waste of everyone’s time just so they can follow procedure.

Well about a month before the aforementioned citations, Terry had successfully defended my honor in traffic court for another “alleged” crime that I had obviously not committed.  This was for the accident in October 2011 where I was forced to run into the back of someone who stopped in the middle of a major US highway.  I was high on the success of winning, and possibly a tad overconfident when presented with a new…challenge, if you will.

So I toss the tickets aside, and tell Terry he has a new traffic court date.  He laughs at me and sides with the police officer in “keeping our neighborhood safe against people like me”.

I’m sorry, what?!  This IS your job.  I do our taxes, you can fix my tickets.  This is why I urged you to go to law school in the first place.

He mumbles something about ” he only practices civil litigation” and I ignore him and proceed to forget this ever happens.

Until Monday, September 17, 2012.

My life has been on pause in an effort to complete busy season part two.  For those of you that don’t know, September 17th is the lesser known and much more stressful tax deadline.  This is the deadline for all corporate returns that were extended in the spring.  As there is no more options to extend, we really must finish all work by September 17th.  Once my returns were filed, I was all about taking care of my personal business that had been neglected.

My first call was to Judge Patronella’s office because I had all of these letters from him.  One was yellow, so I figured he was trying to tell me something.

I was right.  He was trying to tell me that I had not one, but TWO outstanding warrants in my name.  And it was going to cost me $700 in cash bond money to remove this warrant from my name and to reschedule my court date.

Considering I leave for Germany in a few days, I decided this was silly and I would take care of it when I got back.

But fate intervened, and I was pulled over for speeding AGAIN on the way to work yesterday morning and get this:  I had so diligently printed out my new proof of insurance card AND my old insurance card whilst dealing with the original ticket cluster, yet I had failed to keep them organized.  The new insurance card that is currently proving my financial responsibility is at home on my kitchen counter, and my old insurance card that I needed for my last ticket (which expired 9/1/2012) is in my purse.  What are the chances?

I burst into tears on the spot, knowing that it was at this moment not only would I be arrested and sent to arguably one of the scariest county jails in the country, but that I was going to get a ticket for the same damn thing I was getting arrested for.

Thankfully, this man took pity on me and elected not to arrest me.  I warned him I had an outstanding warrant when he took my license, and I think he could tell I was inches from stroking out on him.  Instead he wrote me another ticket for speeding, and one for failure to maintain financial responsibility…

And he raised me one more offense with a ticket for an outstanding vehicle registration.  I explained that I had mailed my check weeks ago (read: on Monday, my day of personal productivity), and I was simply waiting for it to come in the mail.  He said “it is ok, you will get it dismissed when you present your current registration”.  Mmmhmm I’ve heard that before.

Stop judging me right now.  I really am very busy, and rarely open mail that doesn’t look like an invitation or a thank you note.

Needless to say, I was scared straight from the near arrest I had managed to dodge, so I made way over to the county precinct to pay up.  It hurt a tiny bit to fork over all of that cash, which is probably the appropriate punishment.  I am assuming that is why they do it.

However, once the tickets are taken care of (which they will be because Terry is a stud in the court room, criminal or otherwise, AND BECAUSE I DO HAVE INSURANCE!!!!), I should receive that $700 back in 8 to 10 weeks following the settlement.  Not all is lost.  Except that cash on my trip to Germany.  Sorry friends and family for the cheap presents you will receive upon my return.  Shot glasses for everyone!




September 2012

Well here we are in September. That sure went fast, didn’t it?!

I guess I have been too busy actually living it up to write and tell you all about it. Sorry (I’m not sorry). We have had a really fun summer. I’ll hit the highlights, and in a perfect world, come back and elaborate on them in more detail later.

May 2012 – work consumed me. I spent most of my time awake helping out on an IRS audit investigation. One of the most interesting and rewarding things I have done professionally. I billed the highest monthly amount out of any employee at my firm. ever. On the weekends I laid by the pool and started half marathon training.

June 2012 – I’m still running, discovering how truly wonderful Lululemon is, and working on my tan.

July 2012 – You say it’s your birthday? Well it’s my birthday day too! Happy 29 to me. Terry surprised me with a dinner out with friends. And a pair of shoes I had been dying to have since April 30th, 2011. Two of my best friends/pledge sisters moved back to the Houston area the week before my birthday, so it was extra special to have them to celebrate with. We also had a little family celebration for my brother and I (our birthdays are just two weeks apart), where we got to meet my sister’s new boyfriend. I also finally met the IRS agent face to face. She was super sweet. They aren’t nearly as scary as you think they might be. That goes for both new boyfriends and IRS agents.

This month also held what quite possibly will ever be the most epic weekend of my life. Our annual river trip (this was the 6th one). I really must elaborate on this one someday, but not until we are sure no one involved will ever run for public office.

I hosted a Dallas (the original TV series) marathon watching party. I am now obsessed with the Ewing family tree. Emmys should be handed out like Halloween candy to that cast. The drama 30 years later is just. as. good.

August 2012 – What didn’t I do this month? I ran a half marathon! I got botox for the first time. I had my first of two high school reunions. I quit eating anything but protein and veggies before my second high school reunion. I discovered a nail salon that will give you a manicure and pedicure for only $32 AND serve you unlimited glasses of wine. It was love at first “you want shellac?”. I will definitely miss that when I’m pregnant. No doubt about that.

And that brings us to September 2012. So far so good. I went to my second high school reunion, went to Dallas to visit my brother, have eaten nothing but carbs since my high school reunion, and am officially ready to kick off our trip to Germany at the end of this week. It is finally here! I am so excited for the trip, but a little nervous of all that it represents.

What if I can’t get pregnant?

What if I get pregnant while hammered?

What if I am sick every single day of my pregnancy?

What if I miscarry?

What if the baby isn’t cute?! Who are we kidding, that isn’t going to happen.

I have lots to be anxious about, but I’m going to do my best to not let it bother me. For now, I’m just going to keep having fun and slowly cut back on caffeine in the morning.


My niece and nephew’s first Astros game


The Gages do Port Aransas. This picture still cracks me up.


Celebrating Terry’s new job!


Dr. Marc Dean, MD. is such a bad ass.


This is the only picture I felt was decent enough to post after the race. I looked terrible afterwards and really don’t want any of you to know how bad.


Astros Wives Gala. Terry and I got to tag along with my bestie Rebecca and her family.


My house was clean, and I was celebrating this.


Terry (like the creep that he is!!) took a picture after I passed out the night of my second high school reunion. Yes, that is chocolate chip cookie on my face. Yes, it was there when I woke up 9 hours later.


The Mr. and I at the largest chess piece in the world. That just happens to be in St. Louis, Mo.