Can't Fit into My Mommy Genes

Month: April, 2012

Just When I think I’m Ready to Have Kids…

This weekend was so fun.  SO fun.

PS So was Las Vegas!  I will recap soon.  For now, know I came back in one piece and with a net gain of $5.

On to the weekend update.  Friday was refreshingly low key and incredibly fun.  I started my day with a client meeting that started with shot-gunning a beer.  It was also my Dad’s birthday, so we celebrated with him for dinner.  I left work at 4:30 which was an outstanding feeling.  Until I hit traffic.  I didn’t experience much traffic during busy season, so I was a bit disgruntled.  Dinner was really nice, and I was happy I got to give my Dad a birthday hug on his actual birthday.  This is rare now that we are older, you know?  On Saturday most of the family met for brunch for a formal celebration of our patriarch.  My Dad never really makes a big fuss about himself, so we tried our best to do it for him.  His sister was there, so it was fun explaining to Lucy the connection between brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles.  I got to sit by Lucy and cut up her food for her.  As you can imagine, I was feeling very mature.

Saturday night I made plans to head to Kingwood to meet my friend Charlotte for drinks.  She was in town for the rest of the weekend, so I wanted to squeeze one more visit out of her.  For those of you that don’t know much about Kingwood, know that “the livable forest” doesn’t really have a hopping bar scene.  So we met at Molly’s Pub, the only place that serves alcohol that isn’t a restaurant in the Kingwood area.  As soon as we arrived, I warned Terry that the outside looks much nicer than the inside.

Many of our high school friends also happened to be home for the weekend, so naturally everyone ended up at Molly’s by the end of the night.  The dynamic of random shady people from the surrounding areas of Kingwood and the imported yuppie crowd of KHS graduates always makes for a great time.  Terry was effectively thrown into the mix during a 20 minute bathroom break where Charlotte and I snuck off to gossip one on one.  Reason #23094830948 for marrying Terry is his ability to have more friends than I do by the end of the night.  When I got back to our table, he knew everyone there and had taken a shot with all of them.  Since I knew we would be commuting home eventually, I stayed mostly sober for the whole night.  Terry didn’t, which made the night so much more fun.  Between assessing every boy from high school on a scale of ‘he is not hotter than me now” and promising to purchase a party bus to transport everyone from our upcoming 10 year reunion in August back to Molly’s pub, I never really stopped laughing.  Terry also became very close to the bartender ‘Bull” and promised his continued patronage whenever we were in the Kingwood area.  Meanwhile, Charlotte and I managed to forge a pretty decent conversation despite all that was going on around us.

At the end of the night, we took Charlotte home to her parents’ house.  Once we were actually in Kingwood, we thought a tour would be appropriate since Terry had never really seen my old house or where I grew up.  So at 2:30AM, we headed back to the old neighborhood.  Terry snapped a few pictures (with the flash on) before realizing we might have the police called on us.  After learning about “greenbelts” and the social class system within the planned community, Terry had all but decided we were moving to Kingwood ASAP.  At this point, I decided it was best we get home.  Truthfully, I am not quite ready for the suburban life just yet.  I really love our urban dwelling/slightly scary neighborhood inside the loop.  Anyways, we headed back, stopping of course at Taco Cabana for nourishment for the journey home.  Terry fed me chaloupas while I drove, and his random commentary made laugh so hard I could barely breathe.  I wish I could tell you what most of the comments were, but sadly I don’t remember them exactly, and I feel they may be way too inappropriate for this blog.

Once we got home I ran up the stairs excited to eat the rest of the Taco Cabana (so sad, but so true).  On the last step, I trip, completely lose my balance, and slam into the ground.  This of course is hilarious to both Terry and myself, and we can barely get me up we are laughing too hard.  We proceed to eat a dozen tortillas con queso and effectively pass out on the couch.  I wake up at 5AM to the worst part of Boogie Nights.  I can’t move though, and my feeble attempts to wake Terry to turn it off fail, so I endure watching for thirty minutes before having the strength to move and wake Terry up.   At 5:30AM we are finally in our bed, and I can’t help but think to myself how this night is so not the one people about to have children have.  How far I have fallen from my morning of cutting Lucy’s chicken fingers into bit size pieces.

We wake up at 1:30pm, and manage to have a fairly productive day.  Thankfully my knee cap was indeed not broken, as I assumed it was earlier that morning.  I’m convinced Taco Cabana queso has extreme healing capabilities.  I’ve based this knowledge on years of experience.  Experience I hopefully never share with my unborn child.  Who will never know about this blog until she has a child of his/her own.

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The End is Near

Hello!  I apologize for the long absence.  I hate checking blogs everyday, only to see the exact same post over and over again.  I’m sure you do too.  Alas, I did not win the mega millions, so I have not yet converted to a professional blogger.  I’m still a professional tax accountant, and April 17th is just a few days away.  So bear with me.

This tax season, being my first ever, was incredibly exhausting (Surprise! Not all accountants do tax returns, in fact most don’t).   I’ve worked many hours, thrown a few private hissy fits, and feel as though I’ve finally just passed all of my finals.  While that is a great feeling, I really hoped I was done with that feeling after graduating almost 5 years ago.  I guess it is always a good idea to stay on your toes.  Now that I’m over the hump, I can’t help but look back and realize it wasn’t so bad.  Why is that always the case?   I can only imagine this is what tricks people into having multiple children.

To reward all of our hard work and dedication, my two very generous partners are flying the whole firm to Las Vegas  for most of next week.  We head straight from work on the 17th to the airport, and it is non stop fun until we return on the red-eye Thursday night.  And of course we get Friday off to sleep.  How cool is that?!

I’m so so so excited, as I’ve never been to Las Vegas.  You might be thinking “how is that possible?”  Allow me to defend myself:  I formerly had an acute fear of marrying someone random while intoxicated, and I hate gambling.  Those are both two very legit reasons to avoid the state of Nevada.  I also have very dry skin.  However, now that I am married, I have resolved the first (and most significant) problem, but I would still rather burn money than gamble.  The poor souls that witnessed me stomp away from the faux black jack table at my high school graduation party all know too well how I hate to lose.  And it was fake money.  This proves to be the main reason I have never  had the desire to plan a trip.  Well, that and the dry skin.  But a few days will be manageable on both accounts.

Now that I actually have time to start focusing on the trip (that is accountant talk for I just extended the rest of my returns), I have realized there is SO much more to do in Vegas than just gamble and leave your friend on the roof of your hotel.  Although I’m sure I will still make my rounds around the casino (hello, they serve free drinks), I am more focused on going to see shows, stalk the Kardashians, shop, lay out, and basically have just an awesome time not being at work.

Speaking of laying out, I almost booked a cabana for myself and a couple of co-workers at a nude pool.  That is what many hours of tax preparation will do to your eyesight.  It took my co-worker, Celeste, pointing out all of the women were topless on the website for me to realize it wasn’t just your average hotel pool.  I am just so easily blinded by talk of VIP treatments!  It really is a problem.  Not that I’m anti nudist, I just don’t think anybody needs my pasty white body blinding them after months of only flourescent lighting and late night take out food.  I’ll sacrifice the tan lines for the greater good of the people of Las Vegas.

So unfortunately, this all means I won’t be blogging much next week either.  BUT upon my return, you can expect many more bucket list items to be checked off the list.  What happens in Vegas, will most likely end up on this blog for the sake of your entertainment.

So will the note that I found lying near my car as I left work yesterday.  It turns out it was really intended for my co-worker, Georgia, but she just threw it on the ground.  Good for her.  I now have it hanging in my office for comedic purposes:

In case you can't tell, it says "The way you pulled in makes me wish your parents pulled out! Thanks Ass Hole!" Classy.

Really, who does that? I wish they knew just how hard we laughed over it.  Probably not the desired effect.