Can't Fit into My Mommy Genes

Month: March, 2012

Mega Millions

I just got back from a dash to the corner Valero for some lottery tickets.   People have been talking about this for at least a week, but somehow I still managed to be in the dark with the whole “biggest lottery ever” nonsense.   It wasn’t until this morning during Good Morning America that I realized what was going on.   Oh $640 Million.  NOW I get it.  People are lined up for hours to buy these tickets.  I definitely need in on this.

I seriously  thought it was just the Texas Lottery.  Who knew there was a nation wide lottery?!  Shows how much I “play the numbers”.

So I make plans with Terry to purchase tickets today.  Divide and conquer, or something like that.  Yes, I know that we have better odds of being hit by falling plane debris twice in one day than winning the lottery, but you never really know do you.  Until you buy the ticket.  Weirder things have happened.

Celeste and I make our way to Valero and have to ask for help in purchasing the tickets.  Thankfully there wasn’t an awful line or anything to deal with.  Only really nice people who thought we were hilarious.  Turns out you need cash to purchase said tickets.   That’s odd, they don’t let you buy a chance at millions on credit!?  I guess that proves even further how likely it is you won’t win.

We each take out a $20 and head to the register.  I also have $4 in my wallet, so I give her the total $24 and two packs of gum.  Then I ask nicely for the rest to be spent in lottery tickets.  I also asked her to make sure to save enough for one that I could do “manually” (I still don’t know what else to call it.  I just know the term is not “quick pick”).  Well, she (Edith, we are friends now) doesn’t understand me, so I get $20 in quick picks and two packs of gum.  Not sure that is correct math, but I’m sure Edith has been busy all day with other lottery idiots such as myself.

Why do I have the urge to spell quick pick like quickpic?!

I realize I need one more dollar to do the manual ticket.  Celeste casually hands me the Washington like it ain’t no thing.  I couldn’t take it.  I’ve seen enough movies to know you never gamble with someone else’s money.  BUT at the same time I really want that manual ticket.  So I fish through the coins in my purse.  $.50 found.  I also know that I have and additional $.50 in my car.  Perfect! I’m set.  I can pay her fair and square before the numbers are posted.  So I grab the $1 and fill out the ticket with my birthday and our wedding anniversary.  Then I randomly picked 35 as my mega million number because it called to me.

Edith didn’t know what to do with herself when she asked us if we wanted 26 annual payments or one cash prize.  We sat there for a good 5 minutes considering out loud the tax effects of both, the present value of the annuity, would there be interest included, etc.  Then we just looked at Edith and asked what everyone else did.  Which was take the cash prize.  Duh.

So what will I do if I win?  Probably blog professionally.  I guess I might want to crunch out the occasional tax return to keep my skills sharp?  Get a second Master’s degree?  I would like to think I wouldn’t change too much.  Just the obvious things.  Like I would for sure buy a new house that I would custom design with Southern Living,  new cars, new clothes, custom orthopedic Christian Louboutins,  private pilates sessions, a private chef… who are we kidding – servants in general, and Kate Middleton’s friendship.

See I totally wouldn’t change much at all.

Good luck to everyone tonight!

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The Burpee

How funny is this?!  This is a burpee, if you aren’t familiar with the term (I want everyone to get the joke!):

I know them well.  Although I am quite confident I look like a complete idiot when I do them.  Note to self:  Never make youtube video of self doing burpees.   Can we all agree that this is probably an exercise you get a hall pass for while pregnant?  I mean you could fall flat on your belly and hurt the baby, and surely your hear rate gets to dangerous levels.  Yes, definitely too much risk.  I am adding them to my newly created reasons to get pregnant list.  Right next to close parking at the grocery store, sympathy from the boss man during busy season, and general adoration from strangers who think you look cute.

Blogger’s Block

So I really have nothing to write about today.  I have been searching for material since last week, and unfortunately nothing is working for me.    I thought of telling a story from my past and pretending like it just happened, but that seemed a little like cheating.

I guess I could just tell you what I have been up to.  All activities apply to someone on the brink of pregnancy:

  • Terry was out of town for most of last week and the weekend.  It is always lame around the house when he is gone, but I did enjoy the time to myself.  The house stayed straight and Louis got so much more attention.
  • I didn’t do my tendonitis rehab like I was supposed to.  I feel guilty now, and I will probably regret this decision at my appointment tomorrow.
  • The weather was gorgeous all weekend,  so I ran outside twice with Louis.  He loved it.  I really do think he smiles through the whole thing.  I however, do not.
  • Friday night I went to see The Hunger Games, duh.  Terry drunk group texted me and my friend who doesn’t drink throughout the whole movie.   That was awkward.
  • Friday night I was also introduced to the iPhone app game “Draw Something”.   I was immediately obsessed.  I find I mostly spell out clues to my opponent.  Not much of an artist, but you probably can tell I’m a magician with words.
  • Saturday I was pretty productive at work and then wrapped up the day with two bottles of wine and a Thai pizza with my bestie, Rebecca.  By the end of the night we were all but playing “Draw Something” against each other at the table.
  • This lasted until about noon on Sunday morning.
  • Sunday my mom, myself, and Anna attended a sip and see for Rebecca’s niece at her parent’s home in the neighborhood where we all grew up.   Per usual, it was great to catch up with old friends.  I lived at Rebecca’s parents’ house for a summer while I interned at Deloitte, so it is always fun for me to visit them.   Every time I’m there I immediately have the itch to watch Lifetime movies with her mom.
  • This morning I both shaved my legs AND washed my hair.  That is a productive morning, if you ask me.

And there you have the highlights.  I promise to work on blog-able moments throughout the week!

Pretty Little Liars: UnmAsked

Last night I met up with my sister and her friend, Sarah, to watch the season finale of Pretty Little Liars on ABC Family.

The importance of this event in my life, when compared to say… the giant hole in my bedroom ceiling caused by a roof leak, is mildly alarming.  That’s what Terry is for.  Kidding, I really should be more concerned about the leak AND the torrential downpour that is taking place in Houston all day today.  Anyways, my point is that I put most things on hold to spend an hour finding out essentially nothing.

You see, the whole point of last night’s thrilling season finale was to find out who has been bullying a group of four high school teens.   It is also assumed that “A” (bully) might also be responsible for the death of their friend 2 years ago.

Yes, this show is on ABC Family.  Emphasis on the word “family”.  I believe the show’s targeted age demographic is probably high school aged females, but hopefully I’m wrong.  Most of my friends watch it, so we are either totally lame, or it just indicates this show is not appropriate for high school aged women.   Possibly it means both.  I did love high school.

While watching last night, we paused several times to either laugh at the bad acting, check the twitter hashtags that were intermittently flashed at the bottom of the screen, discuss who we thought A was, and repeatedly throw out how we would never let our high schooler watch this show.

When I got home, I couldn’t help but think about why this show is so inappropriate for anyone younger than age 18.  Yet, I am completely ok with it being on the air and will totally watch next season even though that will most likely get us no where closer to finding out who A really is.   What does this say about me?

I realize there were shows when I was in high school that my mom didn’t want (read: didn’t let) me to watch.  90210, Melrose Place, Sex and the City, etc just to name a few.   I so totally did watch them, but not really until college.  That is when I would marathon watch all seasons in a row.  Pam was wise to bar me from exposing myself to all that at an early age.  Even then, I don’t feel like those shows have anything on the drama of PLL.

Here is the list why:

  • Since when did high schoolers start drinking coffee on an hourly basis?  These girls are always walking around with coffee cups.  Is this just an accessory?  If they haven’t purchased it from what I can only assume is their local campus barista, they are making coffee for each other as they ponder A’s next message and/or scheme.   Maybe it just looks better to ponder intensely over steaming mugs.  I should try this at work.
  • This brings me to my next point, why are they never at work and/or school?  I realize not all high schoolers have part time jobs but most do.  These girls are obviously skipping class to hunt down A 85% of the time.  I realize that the producer/director whoever wants us to think it is just “after school” time or whatever, but I’m not so sure I buy this.  This show gives college like free time to people in high school.  It annoys me.  Just because it isn’t realistic.
  • Where are their parents?!!  This totally stresses me out.  Even though I love the show, I would be completely not ok with my child thinking I was as dumb and/or not as involved as these parents appear to be.  Will my child think this about me since I associate myself with this series?  Hannah’s mom is Sydney Andrews!  How can she NOT be scheming with her daughter, at the very least?!   They are wasting Laura’s talent and superb facial features.
  • There is obviously no dress code at their school.  Lucky girls.  I still think dress codes are stupid.
  • I’m not sure how to even comment on the whole Ezra/Aria romance.  Truth?  I think they are a precious couple.  Do I want to see them break up?  No.  I want to see them get married and have lots of babies.  Am I totally not ok with the show making it acceptable to date your teacher?  YES. This is disgusting and so inappropriate.  Statutory rape is not your friend.  Wait until you are 18 ladies.   Why did he have to be her teacher?  Couldn’t they have cast him as a hot older neighbor?  Even step-brother-in-law-related only by marriage a la Clueless is way better than your teacher.  I thought that was pushing the limits back in my day.

You should know we still totally checked out the #ezragoespublic hashtag the minute it happened.  Yes, we did squeal.   It still doesn’t make it ok.

I guess that is why we love the show so much.  You just love to hate it.  And the girls are all so cute and fun.  So, I will keep watching because I am old enough to discern between what is ok and what is so not ok.  And because I have to know who A is.   Hopefully this happens before my child is old enough to realize what his/her mommy watches on the TV.  If he/she ever does figure it out, I’m blaming it all on Aunt Anna.  She is who got me hooked in the first place.

Supportive Shoe Shopping

This weekend proved to be a well earned break from last week’s busy corporate tax return filing deadline. I know most of you probably also felt the heat of that deadline as well.

Kidding.

Anyways, I didn’t have to work the weekend, so I elected to spend it on some me time. Terry was coaching an event at the law school, so I was left to my own devices. That = meeting my friend (and new co-worker!) for brunch. Until 3pm. It was really it was an all out marathon of girl talk and mimosas, and less of a “brunch”. We did celebrate St. Patty’s with one strange tasting dark beer. I couldn’t tell you if you paid me the name of the drink, but I do know I spoke with an Irish accent to get it.*

After “brunch” I conned Celeste (friend/co-worker) into going “supportive shoe” shopping with me. Not to be confused with “supportive” shoe shopping with me. Please know I never need support when it comes to purchasing shoes. You maybe haven’t seen my extensive shoe collection, but trust me when I say it is impressive. I’m no Carrie Bradshaw, but I could be the old woman who lived in her sometimes Payless/sometimes designer shoes. I needed counsel this time due to the fact I’m still battling tendonitis and was instructed by my sports medicine rehab specialist to invest in more supportive shoes. Note she did not say orthopedic, thank God. For just a temporary period I have to say goodbye to heels, flip flops, and otherwise “crappy” (her words not mine) shoes. I am allowed wedges. Phew.

Keep in mind I was pretty intoxicated when I settled on the Clarks store. Let’s be honest, one would have to be. Sorry if I offended you just now.

I didn’t even know where the store was. I spent 30 minutes tracking it down (fighting through multiple quinceaneras) in the mall. After almost an hour of deliberating, Celeste convinces me to purchase two pairs. She has my best interests at heart (but is also drunk), and does her best to help me find a decent solution. I leave sad, but sure this is good and practical decision. I also think it is a great excuse to buy an Auntie Anne’s pretzel. If you are going to wear Clarks, you can also eat mall pretzels. Sounds about right now, even sober.

Again, sorry if I offended you just now.

Celeste and I are both pretty worn down from the day of extensive drinking, lack of decent food, and the quinceanera battles (two girls were both wearing zebra print formals! Face off!). We decide to part ways for an afternoon nap and dinner. I get home and sleep for a while on the couch while also keeping a Sex and the City marathon on the TV. Yes, this just further disgusts me that I just invested in Clarks. WWCBD. Not that.

Carrie didn’t have tendonitis. She doesn’t know how hard it can be out there!

Once Terry gets home, I’m more sober and starting to realize what I’ve done. I show him my purchases.

He looks at me with disbelief and tells me we are taking them back tomorrow. There is no room to protest in his tone. Not that I was going to. He also mumbles something to the effect of “this isn’t like you” like I’m loosing my mind or something.

I settle on being drunk as my excuse for such poor decision making, and Terry just shakes his head.

Sunday comes and Terry “supportively” takes me back to the mall to return the Clarks. Then he cracks about a million jokes involving the terms “Rockport”, “Naturlizer”, and “Aerosoles” to me before the day is over.

So here I am, Monday sporting a new pair of faux snake skin driving loafers and feeling mildly out of sorts. I will admit my outfit turned out looking more like a butch Grace Kelly than a sleek Parisian casual. I’m obviously going to work on the styling, but at least they are more age appropriate and much more fashion forward.

Thanks T for the tough love.

*Side note: my Irish accent is totally how I hooked Terry. It really is quite good.

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Itsy Bitsy Yellow Polka Dot… Tankini?

This weekend brought both a daylight savings time change and tons of rain.  Sounds like spring is here, doesn’t it?

This time of year always excites me because of the slew of crawfish boils to be found, sunshine after work (even if you work late like me!), pink azaleas,  golf tournaments (The Shell Houston Open is one of my favorite events of the spring), my annual viewing of Steel Magnolias, sear sucker + white pumps, and time by the pool.  Just to name a few.

The other day at work we were discussing the trip to Vegas my firm is taking to celebrate the end of tax season.  We were talking about how we would be up late all night, and I said that normally doesn’t bother me because I can sleep by the pool the next day.   Then you aren’t wasting time while you sleep.  Then I quickly decided it would be weird to do that in front of my co-workers.  I don’t really want them knowing exactly what I look like in a bikini.  Right?  I think it must take away your professional edge on some level.

One of my co-workers commented that she hadn’t worn a bikini in years.  Said co-worker is in her early thirties and has two darling little girls, and she is pregnant with her third child.  We are basically in the same age bracket, but she doesn’t wear bikinis?  What?

She explained that having kids kind of changes your perspective on the bikini.

WHAT.

Then I started to think about it.  Moms really don’t wear bikinis do they?  I definitely don’t see many that do when I’m at the pool, now that I think about it.  Keep in mind Britney Spears doesn’t count for the purposes of this conversation.  They also wear 100 + sunblock and stay out of the sun like smart practical people.  They also don’t read magazines while they are the pool because they are watching their children.

God help me.

You’ve served me well precious two-pieces.  I look forward to this last season together.

In other news, my hair stylist (and friend) has updated her salon website.  It looks great!  I shamelessly must also mention that I’m also in the video.  My siblings will probably make fun of that last shot for the forseeable future, but the rest of you seriously check out M Salon.  Caityln is the best!

Sentry Pro: A Public Service Announcement

Last night several things happened that kept me up for most of the night:

  1. I made a loaf of banana bread.  Terry had put in a special request for a batch, and since he was gone most of the night lawyering,  I thought it was a good way to kill some time.  I mistakenly thought banana bread was really only considered a breakfast food.  Terry introduced me to the concept of it as a dessert by serving it to me with a giant scoop of vanilla ice cream.  He has an uncanny ability to make food taste ridiculously good while at the same time lose any redeeming healthy qualities.
  2. I couldn’t remember if I paid the water bill or not.  Visions of my water being turned off/showering at the gym made me panic and search for said bill.  I couldn’t find it anywhere.  After 20 minutes of searching, I tracked down an old statement to use to log in.  Turns out it was paid.  I paid another $50 just for piece of mind.  Funny how I keep everyone else’s bills paid, but my own are always touch and go.
  3. At 11PM I got a call from my brother, Marc, informing us that their dog, Maya, (pronounced My-Jaa, as she is Colombian) was very sick.  They had given her a dosage of Sentry Pro flea and tick killer that ended up causing a terrible reaction.  She was running into the walls and itching uncontrollably.  Marc said it was similar to what you would expect from a crack addict getting clean.  It gives me goosebumps to imagine that sweet dog being in such pain.  We spent at least an hour reading about 75 DEATHS of sweet dogs just like Maya that were killed by this medicine.  To quote Ross from Friends, “THEY SHOULD PUT THAT ON THE BOX!!!”  All jokes aside, we were very alarmed and praying for the best possible outcome.   We got good news this morning that Marc and Caro reacted in just the right way at the right time.  Maya should be good as new in about 5 days.  Maya is very lucky to have such calm and collected parents.  Had the situation happened to me, I would have probably gone postal on the creators of Sentry Pro while Terry called his mom and Marc and Caro to see what to do.

 Get well soon Maya!

Pregnancy in the Nude

Can we talk about this for a minute?  I was email chatting with friends, and we were commenting on the obvious overshare on behalf of Ms.  Simpson.  Our discussion began with how her daughter and Nick Lachey’s child will constantly be compared in the press.  We went so far as to suggest they might be the modern day Montagues and Capulets, should the Lachey’s have a son.  How awkward would that be if they fell in love.  Newlyweds part 2!!   I personally, would love it.  So would MTV.

PS: yes, this is how I chose to spend my extra time during the day.

Our conversation made its way to discussing how no “real” person would take a nude pregnancy picture.  Most people we know cringe at the thought of maternity pictures in general.  Who wants to capture the moment you feel the most gross of your entire life on film?  Maybe I need to be 7 to 8 months pregnant and have a personal trainer that works me out 6 days a week for an hour and a half to see the beauty in it. Celebs on the other hand, get away with this display of intimacy (for lack of a better word) and go about their day.  Why is that?  The attention?  It funds the college savings plan?  Art?

I did think Demi Moore rocked it in 1991.  She will forever allowed to be considered “timeless” in this shot because she was the first person to do it.

Would you not die if I had you over for dinner post pregnancy and BAM naked pregnant Molly on the wall greets you before your appetizer does?  It is a strange concept for the average girl to wrap her arms around.  Not to mention that Terry would probably injure any poor soul that stared at it for too long.  That is assuming we suspend reality and pretend he would even let the picture be taken.

But just for funsies I had my friends with much cooler bachelors degrees than myself work a little magic for me.  Behold:

I think we can all agree I should never go blonde.

Escape from the 610 Loop

This weekend was a much needed escape from the city.  Terry and I headed up to my parents house on the lake for a weekend away with family.  My aunt and uncle were in town from Colorado visiting, and two of my siblings were going to make the voyage as well.  It was a packed house which always equals fun.

After eating a second meal upon arrival Friday night (what is it about being at your parents that makes you want to stuff your face as much as possible?), we chatted around the dinner table for hours.  It was an early to bed night because we were waking up to go watch Maggie and Anna run a half marathon early Saturday morning.  Yes, this is also the race that I paid $91 to run in, but couldn’t due to tendonitis.  Even though I was sad to be on the sidelines, it was completely worth it to watch both Maggie and Anna set new personal records and both break the two hour time threshold of victory.

Given such a successful morning, celebration was in order.  We packed up and headed back to the lake for a day of relaxing.  The boys went to play golf, and we ladies basically laid around/ate/slept/and gabbed while enjoying a truly gorgeous day.  We even had a tea party with Lucy.  Lucky for me, she was serving hot water in lieu of tea.

Maggie noted that I took many a nap while the kids played around me.  I should probably remind her that naps are on the baby bucket list. She knows I can sleep through anything.

Once I woke up for the last time (Terry pulled me off the couch because he said I was missing out), I was greeted with a delicious happy hour spread.  The girls were already one bottle of Sophia in, and the boys had obviously been partaking in a “box of bocks” on the course.  I had catching up to do.  While generously serving myself some brie, Terry brought me a class of champ.

We really didn’t leave the table for much else for the rest of the night.  I did help Lucy go potty (so generous, I know), and then I played with her and my mom until her bed time.  She was playing with her doll house, and she couldn’t find the baby.  Naturally, I cracked a few Lindbergh baby jokes. I blame Sophia.

Later on the night, Maggie let herself be overserved which was truly great because she never ever gets drunk now that she is a mom.  That meant the boys were on child duty, so all of the girls got a little tipsy.  We couldn’t let Maggie be drunk alone.  What are sisters for?  We ended the night with a few Disaronnos on the rocks and drunk dialed my brother Marc and his wife since they were missing in action.  Secretly I also wanted Carolina to say “Disaronno on the rocks” in her Colombian accent.  I guess that isn’t a secret anymore.

Sunday was a slow morning for everyone (except Lucy), and a sad realization we had to go back into the real world.  Sometimes weekends are never long enough.

 

 

 

Date Night

Terry and I had scheduled a date night a few weeks ago.  It was kind of sporadic, and the conversation took place only through text message.  To make a long story short, I misunderstood the plan, and Terry ended up waiting at the restaurant for me for an hour.

😦

To make it up to him, we decided to try it again but this time with a side of shopping.  After enduring several “I hope to see you there” jokes from Terry, we decided to meet at the Galleria at 6:15, starting with the new Banana Republic Mad Men collection.  Since we are such loyal BR fans, they sent us an invite to the private viewing party. The party was Wednesday, but we still wanted to see the goods.  I have to say, I wasn’t overly impressed with the collection and ended up with only one new shirt.

Terry on the other hand, has a whole new wardrobe.  And he looks so cute for spring!

Being an accountant (and my father’s daughter), I always struggle to spend money on things that aren’t necessary.  I love shopping, but I also love having financial security.  Since we are planning on a trip to Germany in 6 months, I am like a bear going into hibernation.  I feel like anything extra must be hoarded for the trip.  Or for something else that could maybe happen that would require big bucks.

Terry is a great sport about it all.  He puts up with my three different savings accounts (they all have differing levels of significance to me.  I told you I can be kind of OCD), and he values the importance of paying down his law school loans while building a foundation for the future.  But he also sees the big picture way better than I do.

Last night he also was cognizant of the fact we have six months before possibly starting a family.  He reminded me that we won’t get to just meet at the mall and shop once we have kids, and he knows I’ll probably be even more anal then about our savings.  Let’s be honest, we all know a fourth account is on the horizon.

He wasn’t pleased I didn’t like anything at Banana, so he made me go to Lululemon.  He knows my weaknesses all too well.  He said we weren’t leaving the mall until I shopped, meaning I had to fill a bag with something.  His argument: if we don’t do it now, when will we?

He has a bright future as a litigator.

Begrudgingly, I decided he was right, and I surprised myself by how easily I found spending the money.  I guess you can completely suppress everything.  I still feel kind of strange with all the ridiculously nice new workout clothes.  I totally don’t need them.  I wasn’t ashamed to rock my “vintage” sorority t-shirts at the gym.  But I’ll be damned if I don’t think my tush does look so much better in those pants.

Afterwards we celebrated our freedom with dinner at Ousie’s Table.  It was expensive, it was yummy, and Terry had never been.   They had a piano player at the bar wearing the most ridiculous hair piece.  Of course that cracked us up.  We are terrible.  We really did enjoy having him play all night.  The name of our wine translated to “bull’s blood”.  Terry kept telling me it was a $400 bottle of wine just to watch me freak out.  Don’t worry, I got a glimpse of the receipt as we left to make sure he was really joking with me.  We decided to swear on bull’s blood that if we weren’t pregnant by September 2013, we would do this all again.   Not a bad deal! Hopefully the Mad Men collection improves by that time.

So we blew a wad of cash and had a great time doing it.  What are your twenties for if you can’t do that?  Detox, cleanse and splurge! ha.