The Hangover

by Molly

I am so hungover this morning. I almost didn’t write a post, but I thought this is something a not mom should write about. Why not write while the pain is fresh to bring out the accuracy of the situation?

We had a mani/pedi party at work last night for all of our clients. It is the greatest idea ever. We booked the whole nail salon and had food and booze catered. Since women run the world these days, our client list is made up of mostly females (as is our office). It was a great way to show appreciation for them, and get to know them each a little better.

Meanwhile, my family is gathering at an annual Christmas party just a few minutes away. This is the first year that Lucy, my niece, has been able to come, and I didn’t want to miss out. As soon as the nail party was winding down I decided to skip over to catch the last hour of that party as well.

Keep in mind, I haven’t had one sip of alcohol yet. I’m still watching my calories/carbs, so I ate very little all day in and effort to enjoy a few extra calories throughout the night.

While at the family Christmas gathering, Lucy wanted Aunt Molly to dance with her, but Aunt Molly had just gotten a pedicure. In fact, Aunt Molly was already panicked on the inside because she was sure the heals she was wearing were destroying her freshly polished toes just by wearing them.

I’m resourceful when it comes to things like this, so I just walked Lucy over to where all the other kids were dancing. Lucy immediately hugs her new friend Riley (how sweet is that?) and they begin spinning around. There is a lot of action at this point of the party and Lucy is all but form tackling Riley. I’m of course awkward and have no idea what the appropriate ettiquette is in this situation. Thankfully Riley’s mom and my mom appear to help supervise the situation. Once I casually mention that I’m Lucy’s aunt, Riley’s mom’s entire reaction indicates to me that she is relieved I’m not in fact Lucy’s mom. That can’t be a good sign.

The party winds down, Lucy and Riley part ways, and I grab a brandy freeze as my “treat” for the night.

And so it begins.

My parents, Terry, and I decide we can keep the party going for one more night cap. My boss and other co-workers were having a post nail party gathering nearby, so we decided to join them. Six drinks later, it was 1AM and I was hammered.

I even did the Cuban shuffle with an elderly African American man wearing a sparkly suit, fedora, sunglasses, and taps on his shoes. I called him Ray and told him the next time I came, I would bring my tap shoes and we could tap together.

Then I managed to drive my car home (IDIOT!), and yelled at Terry because he wouldn’t “hold me standing up”. He argued that he would hold me once we got in bed, and I said that was ludicrous and then accused him of not loving me anymore.

Did I mention I’m a TON of fun when I’m wasted?

That brings us to today. I could barely stand in the shower. I was dry heaving until I took my Nexium pill. Threw that up. Tried to sip some water then took an Excedrin 30 minutes later and threw that up. Then I managed to drive my sorry ass to work, only to throw up in the parking garage as soon as I arrived. Some man saw me, and I’m hoping he assumed I was pregnant.

I think this is the first time in my life that I wish I was pregnant and not hungover. Somehow that seems like the better alternative right now.