Can't Fit into My Mommy Genes

Month: September, 2011

Ciao!

We are on our way! Check back in two weeks for a recap of the trip. I’ll miss all of you!

Here is our first picture of the trip: Terry is sweating from hoofing it to our gate. He is a good sport for letting me document the moment 🙂

Arrivederci!

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Beer Me

When I was in college, I was quite proficient in drinking games. Tried and true games like power hour, flip cup, and beer pong were staples. We even invented a few… My favorite being “slap the bag”. It isn’t all that novel, as you just pull the bag of wine out of the box, slap it, then chug. My darling husband likes to point out that it really isn’t by definition a “game”, but rather just a way to get really drunk exceptionally fast.

Technicality.

Another favorite was “spin the breathalyzer”. That’s right. You read that correctly. In an effort to keep us safe, my parents purchased us each a handheld breathalyzer for Christmas one year. They truly are handy, and I want the record to show I did (and do) still use it before chancing a risky ride home. But when you aren’t driving home, it makes an excellent drinking game. It never failed to challenge us to drink more.

Five years later, I’m not quite the expert that I was, but I still stay current on my skills. It will be a cold day in hell when I can’t successfully flip the cup in at least two tries. This past year, a new game hit the market: “icing”. Quick summary of the rules – when presented with a Smirnoff Ice, one must take a knee and chug the entire thing. Mmmmm nothing like an absurdly sweet malted beverage in excess.

When it first came out, we went crazy buying up Smirnoff Ice beverages and making our friends chug them. Parking lots, bathrooms, wedding receptions, you name it. They were everywhere. And almost as quickly as it came, the trend passed. Probably because everyone was sick of that ridiculously disgusting beverage.

When do you get too old for this obnoxious behavior?! Please tell me never. As silly as the game are, they never fail to amuse me. I guess one good thing about being pregnant is immunity from being iced. I really could never do that again and lead a very happy life.

Now who is up for some slap the bag Italian style?

PS: Speaking of drinking heavily in Italy, my brother, Drew, has an international record for the fastest Irish car bomb set in Florence. What a stud.

Pill Poppin

I was waiting in line for my prescription at CVS today, and I started to think about my dependency on prescription drugs. I spend $100 a month on medicine, and I’m a freak about never skipping a dosage (the heartburn won’t let me).  Before you think I have an addiction, I assure you I don’t.  One of my medicines (Nexium) is the high ticket item at the going rate of $90 a bottle.  The other one is my birth control at a meager $10 a month.  See everyone, all safe drugs here.

However, depending on the occasion… I like to fill my adderall and ambien prescriptions, as they are blessed little drugs that can just make your life that much easier.  I typically start out with said prescriptions for an event, such as a plane ride or an exam.  But they give you thirty pills in a prescription, so naturally there is room for recreation.

Bad day?  I’m going to take a long bath, pop an ambien, and fall asleep watching a movie.

Crazy deadline at work?  Start my day with a work out and a side of adderall for that little extra kick.

I don’t do anything completely stupid like take them all at once and then binge drink.  That is how your heart stops, duh.

Alas, I fear this innocent little habit has an expiration date.  I’m not sure how we are going to solve the heartburn problem, nor do I really want to think about it right now, but I do know that all of the above drugs are probably on the “no” list for pregnant moms.

And this makes me really sad.  (still don’t have a problem)  I bet most people just worry about giving up deli meat and wine. That’s because they’ve never taken adderall or ambien.

I think it goes without saying, that I’m going to make the most of the ambien prescription I just filled for our trip.  And no, I won’t sell them to you.

PS: you do not want to know what came up when I googled “pills” for this image.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

ohmygosh.  Terry and I leave Thursday morning for Europe.  We are bound for a 12 day tour of Rome, Dubrovnik, and Budapest.  How’s that for the ol’ BBL?!

Aside from seeing all of the amazing sites and enjoying a little time away from the desk job,  we are going to relish our freedom to travel as just us two (plus my parents!).

Before we get there, we have had a few things to accomplish:  a few late night runs to both Walgreens and CVS* to pick up prescriptions and 3.0 oz sizes of everything; ferociously processing mounds of laundry and then sorting them into the “maybe I’ll bring”, “definitely won’t bring”, “possibly could bring” piles; sorting through my entire shoe collection for the 3 pairs of flats I own; “borrowing” what is most likely an illegally downloaded copy of all three books in The Hunger Games series from a co-worker (what!? I have to save my euros here people); last minute pedicure/eyebrow wax; paying all of my utility bills so that my electricity isn’t shut off while I’m gone (this entails paying $10 in priority postage to make sure the mortgage payment gets in on time…did I mention I thrive on deadlines?); cramming in a month’s worth of work into this week; and everything else that goes with last minute scrambling because the trip is finally here.

Can you imagine if we had a child?!  Lord help us.  Now maybe you understand why traveling is so important for Terry and I before the baby comes.  This is how nice people end up leaving their babies in their car.

*We originally went to Walgreens to pick up two very important prescriptions.  Ambien for the flight and Nexium for my stomach from hell… seriously, Satan himself has less heartburn than I do.  Both medications are critical to a successful journey for all parties.  I no sooner got home before I realized my birth control was going to run out mid trip.  Blast! We all know what this means.  Thus, the second trip to CVS will take place tomorrow in order for me to pick up another pack of those precious pills.  Why two pharmacies?  Because nothing is EVER that simple with me.  

Hold the Oxtails Please

Update:  I’m still alive.  I survived the 3 mile loop today and didn’t have to walk once!  Scratch that off the bucket list baby.  Maybe I should revise the list to say “join weekly running club”?

Second Update:  My manicure from a few weeks ago lasted an entire week.  OPI you are always true to form.

On to the rest of the post.

We have had seriously gorgeous weather this week.  It is perfect, crisp, and exactly what fall weather should be like.  Despite loving being outside right now,  I am always a little nervous about what my office will feel like once I get to work.  You see, I have a theory that the buildings in Houston have their AC turned to sub zero temperatures just to survive the crazy heat from outside (this isn’t my theory… keep reading).  I think that when it either rains or the temperatures drop, they still keep the AC blasting because they know it will one day be obscenely hot again.  No matter the cost (literally and figuratively).

This equals arctic weather for me to endure from 8-5.  I sometimes don’t even turn on the AC in my car on the drive home, just so I can reach a normal body temperature again.

Today is no different, and I am sitting here shivering in my warmest sweater and the following conversation takes place:

Enter Tiffany

Molly: (wraps her sweater around herself tightly) Tiffany, I am freezing!  I want something warm for lunch… something that will warm my soul right up.

Tiffany:  Well, we should go get some soul food then! 

Molly:  I’ve never had soul food!  This is perfect!  I’m adding it to the BBL (baby bucket list).  

Molly turns to finish her cold sandwich and cold yogurt.  Although she is still freezing, she is at least excited about the prospect of trying something new.  This warms her heart just a tiny bit.      

Now on the agenda is one trip to a soul food restaurant.  Chicken and waffles?!  Heck yeah.  Fried catfish and chicken and dumplings?  Bring. It. On.  Just hold the oxtails please.  I’m not that adventurous.

So excited!

Running Man

Tomorrow morning I’m meeting a running club for a friendly jog around the local running park here in Houston. To most people this is a fairly common experience.

For me, not so much.

You see, I used to be a fairly avid runner. In fact, I was on both the varsity track and cross country teams in high school. Cross country totally sky rocketed me to popularity as the new kid in school my sophomore year. Please note the sarcasm.

I continued my running career through college on and off (mostly off the last two years… let’s face it – power hour was my only work out in those days), and then I gave it up all together my first year in Houston. It hurts my knees, it is hot and gross and sweaty outside 96% of the time, and I just really would rather watch TV while I work out in the comfort of my air conditioned gym.

I completely admire those who are committed to running because it really is such a great habit to have. I think people really learn a lot about themselves while they are out there logging mile after mile. At the same time, I just don’t really see myself picking it up again on a consistent basis. I’m too spoiled by air conditioning.

When I received a spontaneous invite from a friend to join them tomorrow morning, I decided heck, why not. I would just be elliptical-ing to E! News instead. Might as well get some variety in my life. And the weather is going to be gorgeous tomorrow. That never hurts.

In my excitement, I failed to realize I no longer even owned a pair of running shoes. Pretty sure Reebok Easy Tones aren’t quite going to cut it on the three mile loop. The toning in my tush will never compensate for the massive knee damage and week-long shin splints I’m sure would ensue.

Armed with a $20 coupon, Terry and I headed to DSW to invest in a new pair of running shoes. Considering my feelings about being a “runner”, I didn’t want to invest much. Success! I left one pair of $32 Asics richer. I’m feeling slightly more prepared for the morning, but still a little nervous. Seeing as I can’t remember the last time I ran even one mile, I’m really hoping I can channel varsity XC Molly from 2001. If only this little trick worked on my metabolism too.

When I check in with you tomorrow, and none of the following have occurred:

A) vomit

B) tear a muscle

C) embarrass myself out of the running club by walking most of the time

I might just consider adding this Thursday morning workout to my routine (if nothing else, to justify the shoe purchase). Even if I don’t make it a weekly staple, I have decided that running three miles straight without any of the above side effects, should totally be on my baby bucket list.

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Gone Baby Gone

Do you remember that episode of Friends where Chandler and Joey use Ross’ son, Ben, to pick up girls?  They decide to take the city bus to get across town and end up meeting some prospects.  Once off the bus with their two new friends, they realize they have left baby Ben on the bus.

uh oh.

Not to worry.  If you haven’t seen the episode. you can rest assured that all is solved by the end of the 30 minute sitcom.  Ross and Ben are reunited in a charmingly humorous way, as only the Friends creators can do.

Of course everything always works out on a sitcom.  But what about real life?

Don’t freak out.  I haven’t left someone else’s child on a bus.  yet.  However, I did find myself in a situation similar to Joey and Chandler’s this past weekend.

My sister (Anna) and I were driving in to Houston from our parents’ house.  She had a hair appointment to make, and I was picking up Terry’s car so that he wouldn’t have to do it when he returned home from his annual Labor Day dove hunt.  We decided to bring the puppy, Louis, in an effort to stop him from terrorizing my parents home in our absence.*

We arrive to our drop off point, where I would pick up Terry’s car and head to Houston solo, and I say my goodbyes to Anna.  I then proceed to jump out of the car and stealthily run to Terry’s car as if I’m stealing it.  In my mind, I think this really makes me look like I’m NOT stealing it from this random person’s home.  Yes.  This is what I’m concerned about at this particular moment in my life.

Not my poor puppy, who isn’t allowed to go into the hair salon and certainly can’t sit in the car outside in the 100+ degree weather.

Do I realize this 5 minutes into my solo trip?  No.  10 minutes?  Try 20.  Never you mind, that Anna has already tried to call me twice (she even left a voicemail! gasp!  She never leaves a voicemail.), and I was too busy singing to the radio to realize she was probably trying to contact me to remind me of something very important.

Thankfully, our story ends similarly to our beloved sitcom.  I am united with sweet Louis, who thankfully didn’t realize I had forgotten all about him.  fortwenyminutes.

I guess I’m going to need to devise some sort of reminder system for myself before I have a baby.  That, and remember to never let two single men babysit my child for the afternoon.

That’s what she said.

 

*You should know that he already puked once that morning directly adjacent to the kitchen table.  While we were eating.  God love him.

 

 

Barbie + Ken 4ever

A friend of mine sent this to me yesterday, and it is just the cutest thing!  I hope it kicks off your holiday weekend with a smile.

My labor day weekend plans consist of a whole lot of lazy and one Texas A&M football game.  And maybe morphthinging more faces while tipsy.

Happy September to all of you!

Maybeyonce

You probably have to live under a rock to not know that Beyonce and her rapper husband, Jay Z, are expecting a baby.    If you didn’t see the precious reveal on stage at the MTV Video Music Awards, please trust me when I tell you that it was the cutest thing ever.

I have always loved Beyonce – even since the days of Destiny’s Child.   Anyone who sings a song that states “I don’t think you are ready for this jelly” should be celebrated by females everywhere.

While I don’t love her newest album, I still have mad respect for all the scrutiny she has been under in regards to having a baby, whether or not she is in fact married, and whether or not her husband is cheating on her in Rio.  The girl has put up with way more baby pushers than I ever will.

Not only that, everyone is very concerned as to how much the child will or will not favor Jay Z.  While he is arguably one of the greatest rappers of our time, let’s just say he isn’t a looker.   Our concerns are well grounded.  So, my co-worker Tiffany pops into my office today to show me this picture of what their child is going to look like.

Not too bad!

I noticed the website at the bottom and proceeded to do a little research which resulted in the coolest website EVER.

So of course the next logical step was to morph a picture of Terry and me.

I can’t go into this process blinded by love and passion!! I need to know if I will be contributing to this world or not.  I can imagine there aren’t too many things in this life worse than producing an ugly child.

Some people try and convince you that “they are never ugly to you”.  mmmhmmm.  We’ll see about that.

Here is the final product:

Well sort of.  I couldn’t get the dang thing to work!  After 3 hours of unsuccessful morphing, I just went with the morphed images of adult Molly and Terry.  Because they are hilarious!  I’m going to chose to not read into why they might be rejecting us in child form.