Can't Fit into My Mommy Genes

Month: August, 2011


New York has Gray’s Papaya

California has In-N-Out Burger

Missouri has Lion’s Choice

Texas.  We have NASA Buc-ee’s.

It has occurred to me that some of you may not know what Buc-ee’s is.  Bless your hearts.

Allow me the privilege of explaining this great institution to you:

Buc-ee’s (n) A) the greatest place on earth.  An all encompassing road tripper’s haven.  Place where one can shop for home décor, apparel, pet accessories, gas, fresh baked goods, freshly made fudge, homemade jerky, fountain drinks (with flavor shots!), coffee bar, and other staples.  

B) A place that maintains the cleanest public restrooms in the country.  

You can even get plants and garden essentials at this place!  I am not exaggerating when I say it is any traveler’s great dream come true.    Running late on a trip from San Antonio to Houston, and you forgot a gift for your hostess?  Not a problem!  You can grab a candle at Buc-ee’s.  Forgot a leash for your puppy, and have no way to take him out whilst driving across the state?  Buc-ee’s again to the rescue!

Here is my list of recommended items to obtain during your first trip:

  •  Beaver Nuggets.  Who knows what these are made of.  They are perfectly crunchy and taste like caramel popcorn laced with cocaine.  Amaaazzing
  • Freshly made fudge – you can sample as many as you want before deciding!
  • A giant water bottle*
  • A giant fountain drink (diet coke with a shot of vanilla is my beverage of choice)*
  • If you don’t feel like coke, go with a nice big cup of coffee.  They have the best creamer selection.  ever.  period.
  • Jerky
  • If you are lucky enough to stop off during a meal time, definitely order a sandwich with their homemade chips.  So much better than anything else you will get on the road.
  • Blueberry scones.
  • Gummy candy.  They have a massive assortment.  *

I also like to use the restroom and then go sample the lotion selection.  It just adds a touch of comfort for once I’m back on the road.

So, if you happen to be driving through Texas, and see the signs (there will be many leading up to the exit), make a promise to yourself now to stop.  It is worth the adventure!

And if you don’t leave feeling refreshed and ready to hit the road again, then I will kindly take those Beaver Nuggets off your hands for you.

*** You might be thinking “this seems like regular gas station items: water, fountain drinks, coffee, and gummy candy”.  I assure you there is NO way to compete with the Buc-ees brand candy.  Its only downfall is the happiness hangover you experience once you are back on the road with a belly full of gummy candy.  

Author’s Note:  I realize this post has nothing to do with my baby bucket list.  I just felt I was doing everyone a great disservice by not recognizing the importance of this place in my life.  I think it goes without saying that I will stop at Buc-ee’s even if I have a Brangelina size pack of children with me.  This is one thing I’ll never have to give up!


Duty Calls

I’m writing to you today from jury duty.  It’s my first time!  I started the morning with a big cup of coffee, an adorable outfit, and this whole “I’m so excited to serve my civic duty!” attitude.

30 minutes into it, I was over it.  Funny, I have the same attitude towards babysitting.

Thank goodness they at least provided free wi-fi because I had absolutely no cell service.  I also ended up bumping into two people I knew, so having someone to chat with did make the time go by faster.

One of the people I was chatting with mentioned they had served FOUR times.  Four times!  I’ve lived in Houston for four years, and this is my very first time.  What are the odds?

That had me wondering if this would be my only time to serve (for a while) because you get out of it with small children, right? *  Finally a perk!

Then my mom dashed my hopes and dreams saying “oh they will eventually be in school, so you won’t always get out of going.”  Couldn’t just keep that one to yourself, could you Mom.

Either way, it was a new experience for me.  One that I’m glad to say I have done before becoming a mom.  I think it’s one of those charming little things that reminds you that other people see you as a grown up.

*This little thought allowed me to be much more gracious with my attitude to serve.  Good thing because I waited a really long time for nothing.   

Life on the Shore

So the weekend was a huge success. We had the best time road tripping to and from, allowing us not one, but two trips to Buc-ee’s. Hooray!

We came back a little tanner, a lot more relaxed, and a few pounds heavier I’m sure. Definitely all signs of a successful weekend. I also have an embarrassing confession to make.

I now love the Jersey Shore.


I can’t explain it. I truly can’t. It’s not like I’ve never tried to watch it before (“tried” being the operative word here). I’ve always wondered what could possibly draw this much success from a bunch of random faux New Jerseyans fist pumping/partying for a living. And their clothes! It’s like some sick twisted futurama version of Punky Brewster dressed them. Maybe it was the left over buzz from laying out, maybe it was too much sun, but who the hell cares. That show is entertaining, and I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the TV every single time it came on.

So much so, that yesterday when I went to pay my respects to the gym in an effort to repent the sins of the weekend, I watched a full two episodes on the elliptical. I literally noticed my speed increase as Ronnie and Mike began to brawl over Sammi Sweetheart. That’s, right. That is her name.

And I thought my days of bringing home shame from a long weekend were long over.

So are new moms allowed to watch this terrifically awesome trash? I’m not sure. I would be terribly embarrassed if my 2.5 year old niece asked me what “smush” or “grenade” meant.[i]

For now, I’m going to safely assume this is a habit that must be kicked before I am a new mom. So, with glee I add it to my baby bucket list of things I’m most definitely going to overindulge in. My only real concern is that I might be the same IQ level as my new baby by the time it is all over with.

[1] Smush (v.): To engage in sexual relations

Grenade (n.): A less attractive girl on whom one has to throw one’s wingman to prevent her from exploding one’s good time with her hot friend



Hope Floats

This weekend I am getting the chance to fulfill one of my favorite pre-baby past times – LAYING OUT! This time hill country style.

I simply cannot wait.

I packed my bags last night, so that I could head out immediately after work today. Three of us are departing from the Houston area and heading to Kerrville to celebrate one of my dearest friend’s birthday weekend.

Things that most excite me about this weekend:

  • Fun car ride with friends
  • Stopping at Buc-ee’s!!!! (If you know me at all, know one thing. We NEVER pass up a trip to Buc-ee’s when I’m in the car)
  • Working on my tan (in the river!) while boozing a bit
  • Spending some seriously awesome girl time with some of my closest friends
  • Eating a lot of great food
  • Spending a weekend outside of the city
  • Maybe a trip to the rodeo!
  • That my weekender only holds bikinis, cover-ups, flip flops (cute and practical), and sundresses
  • I don’t have a child to worry about, and I’m not pregnant so I can do reckless things with my favorite girls to be reckless with



I’m not originally from Texas, but I do wish I was sometimes (sorry mom). Don’t get me wrong, it is very nice to claim Denver as home… it’s just that small town life in Texas really evokes this endearing life that I wish I had grown up with. I have this nostalgia for all of the small towns I’ve been to in Texas, even though I’ve only spent a short amount of time in each of them. They always have great food, amazing boutique shopping, a town square that is really a circle, and everything closes at 5pm. Sure there isn’t any convenience really at all (if you are used to a big city), but I think that is why I like it so much. Everything is simpler, and I truly envy those who get to experience it on a daily basis. My dream life MASH scenario would include a second home somewhere in East Texas that would provide this type of lifestyle to me on a part time basis.

My husband gets the biggest kick out of this because he did grow up in small town Texas. (He has the most adorable accent when he is drunk!) He is enamored with big city life, and thinks everything about Houston is just the bees knees. Isn’t it funny that you always end up wanting what you don’t have? I guess our dream life scenario is really just a way for us to have the best of both worlds.

Because a girl has got to have a decent salon close by. I love the hell out of a small town, but I love my hair more.

I wish everyone a relaxing weekend with a taste of the simpler life! Can’t wait to fill you in on the antics of this weekend.


Perfectly Manicured

I have really terrible fingernails. In fact, I have never really been that big of a fan of my hands in general. First off, they are ridiculously small for my general stature. I’m talking carney hands, y’all. On top of that, they are adorned with the most frail and flimsy fingernails ever created. Needless to say, I’m a little obsessed with keeping them well groomed, so that I at least have that going for me.

I used to shoot for at the very least a bi-monthly manicure when I was a singleton making my own money. Now that Terry and I are paying down student loans and trying to save for the many vacations we are taking, that frequency has decreased significantly. Not to worry, I own all the essential manicure tools, so I’ve just been doing them myself on a weekly basis.

This past Sunday night, as part of my usual weekend closing routine, I painted my nails and toenails for the upcoming week. I chose a mint green color that I have seen on several celebrities.

I have to admit, it didn’t look as adorable on me.

So I wasn’t terribly depressed when it began to chip on Monday during my babysitting extravaganza. * I just didn’t realize how much you use your hands while caring for children! Typically I can get about a week out of a manicure, if I’m careful (and make Terry wash all of the dishes). You can imagine my surprise when I didn’t even make it one day.

I guess this means I will be getting a heck of a lot more manicures this year.

Starting with this one:

Allow me to explain myself on this one – I like to experiment with nail trends because they are so temporary. What is the worst that can happen wearing a loud nail polish for a week or less? That’s right, pretty much nothing. So I take some risks now and again when I see new styles on the market. That is what happened this time. I was trying to achieve the “half moon manicure” that I have seen in almost every magazine this year. See example below:

I think what we have here is a failure to communicate.

And I can’t bring myself to take it off since good money was paid for this. That being said, I’ll keep you posted on how long this one lasts sans children.

Author’s Note: Please know that I would have been absolutely irate had this been a color I liked. And if that is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

The Deep Six

This title caught my eye this morning: “Six Common Pregnancy Complaints” during a quick check of my favorite news/gossip apps.    I thought of six before I could even open the article on my phone, so you can imagine I was curious to see what real mothers and medical experts thought of as common complaints.  Here they are:

  • Hyperemesis Gravidarum
  • Gestational Diabetes
  • Miscarriage
  • Depression
  • Preeclampsia
  • Low Amniotic Fluid

Ok… not sure about you, but these don’t exactly align with the six I had in mind:

  • No Alcohol
  • Stretch Marks
  • Gas
  • Nausea
  • Changing the way I sleep
  • Frequent peeing

I think their list should be titled “The six worst possible things that can happen to you during your pregnancy”.   Right?!

Call me naïve, but the above list scares the amniotic fluid out of me! (ha! terrible joke.  I’m still keeping it in here though).   Obviously making the decision to start a family is a very mature thing to do.    I guess that is because of all the risk that comes with it.  For a long time, I was hung up on the fact you were just creating someone else’s life.  I see now how this process is much more than just that.

Well great.  Another thing to add to the “who knows this sh!%” list.

Glad I have a year to worry about the business part of making a baby!  Right now I’m going to stay focused on the year ahead.  We have three big trips planned (two to Europe and one to San Francisco), fall fashion is hopefully around the corner soon (given Houston will one day see something lower than 102 degrees on the weather report), and Aggie football will be starting in just two weeks!   I have lots to be thankful for and much to enjoy in 2011 that doesn’t involve the term “gravidarum”.

Who Knows This Sh!%

This past weekend was a 3 day weekend for me.  I used the last of my “summer flex” holidays on Monday and spent all day babysitting my niece and nephew while their parents (my brother and “SIL” – Sister in Law) shopped for a new home.

Let’s just say it wasn’t quite the “day off” I had intended it to be.

To contrast Monday with the rest of the weekend, I will give you a brief recap:  I slept until noon on Sunday which was probably the smartest thing I did all weekend.  I honestly hadn’t intended to, but you know how weekends can get away from you like that.   Well, at least pre-baby they can.  Terry and I had huge plans to hit the gym, go to church, and then head up to my parents house to meet the rest of the family all before noon.   Clearly, that didn’t happen.  Instead, we scrambled around like crazy people trying to get everything packed up/cleaned up and put away for the week ahead.

After spending a lounge-y couple of hours with the family at my parents, we all packed up to head to a family dinner.*    Over the course of the meal, I received lots of information regarding parenting and pregnancy.   It all started with a negotiation between me and our waiter regarding the temperature of my salmon filet.  I didn’t realize that my asking for a medium ++ was a complete luxury amongst pregnant mothers everywhere.  Who knew they weren’t just jealous of the glorious cocktail I was drinking!?

Here is a list of a few other things I wasn’t informed about:

  • You have to actually leave the house when you have small children and the pest control service comes to spray… for like the whole day
  • You can’t eat deli meat?! WTF!  Why? I’m still confused by this one, but too afraid to ask the reason
  • You can’t drink while trying to conceive!?  DOUBLE WTF.  Pretty sure all of my college friend’s babies are doing just fine, thank you very much.

At the end of the meal my brother jokingly remarked that I should name this blog, “Who knows this sh!%?!” and I’m beginning to think he might be right.

I’ll clue you in on one other thing I didn’t know.  Just exactly how much energy a 2.5 year old has.  Between rolling around on the floor, running in circles, endlessly pretend cooking in the mini kitchen, coloring, and changing dirty diapers I was beat.  Did I mention that I also had a six month old to keep alive as well?   And he likes to nap FACE DOWN.

Despite being exhausting, the day ended up being so much fun.  I had a great time bonding with the littlest members of our family.  I also really enjoyed using my niece to prank call Terry, my sister, and other friends.  Their reactions to her tiny little voice were priceless.

You know what else really took me by surprise?  My day job is actually so much easier than taking care of children.  Who knew?!  I don’t want to sound conceded, but most people are not accountants for a reason.  I do some technical (albeit nerdy) stuff on a daily basis.  None of it compares to successfully translating what a toddler is asking for.  Making sure that the little ones were having a fun time was honestly a difficult thing for me to do.  I have so much more respect for mothers everywhere.  They really don’t complain nearly as much as they could.

* Note:  It wasn’t a complete family dinner, as my other brother and SIL were unable to make it. With a family of eleven people, we get away with calling it a “family event” if at least six people can attend.    

The Lazy Song

Tonight I don’t feel like doing anything after work.  We skipped our morning workout today with the sleepy promise of working out tonight after work instead.   As of press time, I still haven’t brought it up to Terry because I’m secretly hoping he is going to feel the same way I do on the topic.  If he doesn’t, I don’t want to remind him that he wants to work out tonight.  Maybe I will get lucky, and he will forget?  Boys are great for that.


This got me thinking of how blissful it is to have the freedom to choose whether or not we want to work out tonight.  Given that this is our only really tough decision to make today, I feel pretty lucky.  We don’t have anything planned socially, and dinner is already decided upon.   I’d say tonight is shaping up to be one perfectly lazy evening (that is if I get my way).  Even if we hit the gym, I can still do absolutely nothing once I get home.  Heck, I might even scratch a movie off the “to watch” list.


I really like this about my life.  I love (at times) not having anything to do and not having anyone to be responsible for.   When we got our puppy, Louis, our freedom was restricted just slightly.  I can only imagine how this part of my life will probably be completely exempt once a child comes.   Is it wrong to say that makes me a little sad?   With time we adjusted to having Louis, and now it seems almost second nature to plan around him.  I am sure that will be the case with a new baby, but I know that I won’t really ever have the time to just be lazy with just Terry for a whole evening once baby time comes.


How can you not adjust your life for this cute face?!

Given this disconcerting piece of knowledge, I do want to make sure and relish the lazy times this year, as I know they are numbered.    At the same time, I hope to find a good balance between the fun things (going out, travel, etc) and the lazy days because all of them are important to me.  I guess I just really like a lot of “me time”.  This is probably because they all have one common denominator – I can drink wine through all of them.


Today I don’t feel like doing anything

I just wanna lay in my bed

Don’t feel like picking up my phone,

So leave a message at the tone

‘cause today I swear I’m not doing anything.

-Bruno Mars

Potty Training for the Potty Mouth

I just spent the last 45 minutes perusing my favorite blogs in search for inspiration.  Inspiration for my blog is difficult to find when everything out there is related to either people who already have kids, or something along the lines of celebrity gossip, fashion, cooking, and DIY decorating.  Do you remember the scene in SATC 2 where Carrie narrates “We are somewhere between loud sex and a baby”?  Truer words were never spoken.

So, it got me thinking.  Do I start reading the parenting blogs?  Shift my focus from celebrity gossip, fashion, cooking, and DIY decorating, so that I can be educated in what to expect before I’m even expecting?  This way I will surely know how to plan my fun accordingly.  Or does that just sound like it is taking all of the fun out of my plan to live it up before I’m officially a mommy?  I’m typically a huge procrastinator, in fact a test given by the HR department at my company declared that I “perform and thrive under deadlines”.  This makes me think I’m going to do all this parenting research once I actually have a need to parent.  Or let someone who loves to do all that nonsense read it all for me and then tell it to me over coffee.

As a compromise to all of you non procrastinators out there shuddering at the above statement, I promise you there is one thing I can work on before the baby comes.

That would be cleaning up my potty mouth.  For those of you that know me, you know that I have a terrible habit of cussing like a dirty little sailor.  Truth be told, I don’t even know where this habit even evolved from because everyone around me – my family, friends, etc. really isn’t in the habit of using that bad of language.  In fact, I most notice how awful my language is around them because it is so glaringly different from my own.  I’m not talking about sissy language like “oh shit!” or “damn!”.  I’m talking the big bad ugly “F” word shows up on more than occasionally in my day-to-day.  In fact, this year for Lent I gave it up.  Most people give up desserts.  I have to give up the F bomb.  Oh please Lord, give me someone decent to read all of those pregnancy blogs for me.

For forty days, I did great.  Day 41, and I’m off the wagon.   I guess it is good to know that it can at least be done.  But can it stick?  It had better.  I really don’t want to be the mom whose little one’s teacher reports that he/she declares “WTF” when asked a question in class.

Given my track record, I’m not relying on another round of Lenten sacrifice to get me over the hump.  I’m going to start now, and selfishly make all of you hold me accountable to my language makeover.  This really couldn’t have happened at a better time, as I have a niece and nephew who just moved back to the Great State.  Since I find trying not to cuss in front them more difficult than sitting through just one Dora episode, it really should make for some good practice.  If anything, I’m sure this will allow both my brother and sister-in-law to sleep just a little bit better at night.

The Baby Pusher

Rachel Zoe is quoted on today stating that she has “become a baby pusher”.  Our stylist to the stars claims that “it does turn it [your life] inside out and upside down, but in the best way possible, and the difference is you don’t care because you’re altering your life for the best reason in the world… He [son, Skyler Morrison] is everything.”

This statement caught my attention because for years Rachel famously debated whether or not to have children.  If you aren’t familiar with Ms. Zoe, she became famous as a stylist to almost every star you know.  Then she took on a reality TV show depicting exactly how crazy her life is.  She is known for working hours upon hours at a time, subsisting on only black coffee, and coining the phrase “ba-nan-as”.  That’s right…. I adore her.  We were definitely sisters in another life.  So, to say that she is over the moon about having a child and that all of the sleepless nights are worth it, I have to admit I’m pretty impressed.  Well mildly impressed because who are we kidding, she probably didn’t sleep much in the first place.


In all seriousness, it made me wonder… you really can change your mind just like that?  You can go from so unsure to so completely convinced it is the best thing you can do with your life?


There is a woman that I work with who is quite similar to our friend Rachel.  She is perfectly coiffed at all times and is stick thin.  Even their babies are the same age (both boys!).  The only real difference between them is that my co-worker seriously lacks a real fashion sense.  She plays it safe sticking to boring button downs and black pants for the most part.  That’s ok, you can’t have it all.   Said co-worker has a real knack for catching me on my worst looking days, so forgive me if the above paragraph seemed a tad catty.   She also has an annoying knack for touching my belly and proclaiming “your next!”  Ew.


First of all, who touches other people’s bellies before they are even pregnant?  That’s just straight strange.  Second of all, this woman was always telling us she would never have children.  Now that she does, she wants everyone around her to also?  I just don’t know if I buy it. Wouldn’t these people understand why I’m reluctant to get started?  Wouldn’t they be my champion in fending off the baby hungry young mothers that I’m faced against on a daily basis?


Maybe it just is the greatest thing in the world and even the most reluctant of mother’s want to convince the people they see themselves in that it is worth taking the plunge.


Or maybe, they want to take us down with them!


Kidding.  I just wish I could post a banner on my forehead stating “Will start trying in 12 months.  Quit asking, insinuating, and/or touching my belly”.   My hope is that this blog post will keep me honest.  Once I do become a mother and am floating through motherhood bliss, I will remember my former life and never once become a “baby pusher”.   Well, until I’m asked my opinion of course.