Can't Fit into My Mommy Genes

Munich

I have been trying to write this post for the last two three weeks. I have had several different ideas on how to do the trip justice, but none seemed good enough once they are on paper. So, today I’ve decided to just write and post whatever comes out. Rip the proverbial band-aid off, eh?

The first leg of the journey was in Munich. We flew over night, landed in Heathrow for a small layover, and arrived in Munich by 2pm. The flight was perfect. I had built up a healthy buzz at the United lounge pre-boarding and was able to make it through one movie before the ambien kicked in and I was out until we landed. A friend of my brother, Andreas, was so kind and picked us up from the airport. He showed us how to work the subway system, and we took about a 45 minute subway ride into the city. We got checked into our hotel (that looked to be pre WWII in age), and readied ourselves for sights of the city.

Being the opening weekend of Oktoberfest, we were greeted by masses of people dressed in dirndls and lederhosen drunkenly making their way through the city. It wasn’t uncommon to see vomit in the subway, or people passed out on the sidewalk.

So of course we judged these people. Obviously, the Americans were here to show these crazies how to conduct themselves appropriately after a few beers.

Once we made it onto the actual Oktoberfest grounds, we were surprised to find that drinking was only permitted in the beer “tents” (read: large wooden structures that house 5,000 + people). The grounds between the tents were much like that of a fair or carnival grounds we would find in the states. Given that it was Saturday night of opening weekend, we realized shortly after arriving we wouldn’t make our way into a tent unless we wanted to spend the rest of the night in line. So, we got a 1.5 foot long bratwurst for the road and made our way to the Hofbrauhaus for a few beers. The Hofbrauhaus is great. You really should make a trip if you are ever in Munich. It is very touristy, but in exactly the right way. And the beer was great.

The next day we woke up to the greatest breakfast spread known to man. Hard salami, deli meats, soft cheeses, Nutella, hard rolls, pretzel rolls, farm raised eggs, coffee, croissants, fresh squeezed juice – I mean you name it, it was there, kind of spread. I was in heaven. Talk about a send off into months of pregnancy. Brie at breakfast? Yes, please.

After breakfast, we got ready to depart for the castle tour. Andreas joined us as we took a bus into the Alps to visit two castles and a historic Bavarian village. It was a fun day trip, and we saw the castle that Walt Disney used as his inspiration for Cinderella’s castle. I couldn’t stop giggling over the German’s pronunciation of “willages” for “villages”. I’m so mature.

Once we were home, we got ready quickly to head back to conquer Oktoberfest. Since it was Sunday, we thought we would have a good chance at making it into a beer tent. Andreas brough along his friend, Kai, to help us work the system as well. We were super spoiled to have two natives show us the ropes.

We thought we would eventually eat dinner, but our plans were foiled. Foiled by three liters of beer in two hours. That is the equivalent of a 24 pack per person in the states, FYI. The Germans are smart. They close the tents at 10pm (probably to avoid too many deaths by alcohol poisoning), so we thought surely how much trouble could we get into arriving at 8pm.

Turns out a lot.

We danced on the tables, Terry bought me a giant gingerbread cookie heart to wear around my neck, I made a best friend from Newcastle, England named Lucy, we apparently ate fries that Rebecca claims were fried in duck fat, but none of us really remember them, and Kristin and I took a shot of schnapps at a random bar on the way to the subway while everyone else was going to the bathroom. I vaguely remember dunking my Aggie ring in Kristin’s leftover liter of beer. That we stole from the beer tent. Yes, I thought I was quite clever for pulling that off. Until I Terry had to carry it in my bag to two more cities.

The next thing we know, half of our group is throwing up on the subway. I remember apologizing to my sister for embarrassing us “like those people we saw earlier”, and she said ‘Don’t be embarrassed! I’m not upset, I’m impressed! You just threw up an entire french fry!”

We are all still puzzled by how I managed that.

Thankfully we all made it back to the oldest hotel in all of Munich (yes, that was sarcasm) safe and sound. Terry earned his stripes as chief bad ass for making sure we didn’t die or get taken on that long stretch home. Liam Neeson eat your heart out.

Now here is the kicker: I spent the rest of the next day in bed. Super sick. Like couldn’t keep down water sick. Which meant missing the tour of Dachau, and my last day in Munich. Not my proudest moment. I also woke up with a random bruise on my nose that hurt everytime I had to throw up. And it appears in some well lit photographs from the rest of the trip. Nope, it isn’t a shadow you are seeing. Just a reminder of my own stupidity.

So that’s that. We came, we saw, we did not conquer. Or did we?! Now do you see how I was having trouble elequently telling you that I consumed too much beer at Oktoberfest. Hopefully the Austria post comes much easier to me!

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Auf Wiedersehen!!

We are off to the Duetcheland today!  I can’t believe it is here.  Nevertheless, I am shamelessly looking forward to leaving work, going to get my preflight mani/pedi, giving my parents a big hug (they are so thoughtful and are driving us to the airport), and pre-partying at the United Lounge before our flight.  Free booze and snacks? Yes please.  We are getting to the airport extra early not because of security lines, but to enjoy free alcohol.  That is how we roll.

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Her name is Molly! I love it!

You never know, this might be the last time for a while where I can drink wine, pop an ambien, eat soft cheeses, and drink lots of beer.  It is going to be great.

On the Lam

On June 23, 2012 I was pulled over for “allegedly speeding” outside my neighborhood on the way to work.  I was cited for said “alleged speeding” AND for “failure to maintain financial responsibility”.  Um, excuse me? Do you know what I do for a living?

Apparently, even though they can run your license plates, and they know you have insurance, these jackwagon constables feel like they need to give you a ticket to keep their jobs.  I get it.  I really do.  But what I don’t get is how they don’t understand it is incredibly annoying for me to fax them a copy of my insurance.  It is one more thing I really don’t need in my life.  It is inefficient and a waste of everyone’s time just so they can follow procedure.

Well about a month before the aforementioned citations, Terry had successfully defended my honor in traffic court for another “alleged” crime that I had obviously not committed.  This was for the accident in October 2011 where I was forced to run into the back of someone who stopped in the middle of a major US highway.  I was high on the success of winning, and possibly a tad overconfident when presented with a new…challenge, if you will.

So I toss the tickets aside, and tell Terry he has a new traffic court date.  He laughs at me and sides with the police officer in “keeping our neighborhood safe against people like me”.

I’m sorry, what?!  This IS your job.  I do our taxes, you can fix my tickets.  This is why I urged you to go to law school in the first place.

He mumbles something about ” he only practices civil litigation” and I ignore him and proceed to forget this ever happens.

Until Monday, September 17, 2012.

My life has been on pause in an effort to complete busy season part two.  For those of you that don’t know, September 17th is the lesser known and much more stressful tax deadline.  This is the deadline for all corporate returns that were extended in the spring.  As there is no more options to extend, we really must finish all work by September 17th.  Once my returns were filed, I was all about taking care of my personal business that had been neglected.

My first call was to Judge Patronella’s office because I had all of these letters from him.  One was yellow, so I figured he was trying to tell me something.

I was right.  He was trying to tell me that I had not one, but TWO outstanding warrants in my name.  And it was going to cost me $700 in cash bond money to remove this warrant from my name and to reschedule my court date.

Considering I leave for Germany in a few days, I decided this was silly and I would take care of it when I got back.

But fate intervened, and I was pulled over for speeding AGAIN on the way to work yesterday morning and get this:  I had so diligently printed out my new proof of insurance card AND my old insurance card whilst dealing with the original ticket cluster, yet I had failed to keep them organized.  The new insurance card that is currently proving my financial responsibility is at home on my kitchen counter, and my old insurance card that I needed for my last ticket (which expired 9/1/2012) is in my purse.  What are the chances?

I burst into tears on the spot, knowing that it was at this moment not only would I be arrested and sent to arguably one of the scariest county jails in the country, but that I was going to get a ticket for the same damn thing I was getting arrested for.

Thankfully, this man took pity on me and elected not to arrest me.  I warned him I had an outstanding warrant when he took my license, and I think he could tell I was inches from stroking out on him.  Instead he wrote me another ticket for speeding, and one for failure to maintain financial responsibility…

And he raised me one more offense with a ticket for an outstanding vehicle registration.  I explained that I had mailed my check weeks ago (read: on Monday, my day of personal productivity), and I was simply waiting for it to come in the mail.  He said “it is ok, you will get it dismissed when you present your current registration”.  Mmmhmm I’ve heard that before.

Stop judging me right now.  I really am very busy, and rarely open mail that doesn’t look like an invitation or a thank you note.

Needless to say, I was scared straight from the near arrest I had managed to dodge, so I made way over to the county precinct to pay up.  It hurt a tiny bit to fork over all of that cash, which is probably the appropriate punishment.  I am assuming that is why they do it.

However, once the tickets are taken care of (which they will be because Terry is a stud in the court room, criminal or otherwise, AND BECAUSE I DO HAVE INSURANCE!!!!), I should receive that $700 back in 8 to 10 weeks following the settlement.  Not all is lost.  Except that cash on my trip to Germany.  Sorry friends and family for the cheap presents you will receive upon my return.  Shot glasses for everyone!

 

 

 

September 2012

Well here we are in September. That sure went fast, didn’t it?!

I guess I have been too busy actually living it up to write and tell you all about it. Sorry (I’m not sorry). We have had a really fun summer. I’ll hit the highlights, and in a perfect world, come back and elaborate on them in more detail later.

May 2012 – work consumed me. I spent most of my time awake helping out on an IRS audit investigation. One of the most interesting and rewarding things I have done professionally. I billed the highest monthly amount out of any employee at my firm. ever. On the weekends I laid by the pool and started half marathon training.

June 2012 – I’m still running, discovering how truly wonderful Lululemon is, and working on my tan.

July 2012 – You say it’s your birthday? Well it’s my birthday day too! Happy 29 to me. Terry surprised me with a dinner out with friends. And a pair of shoes I had been dying to have since April 30th, 2011. Two of my best friends/pledge sisters moved back to the Houston area the week before my birthday, so it was extra special to have them to celebrate with. We also had a little family celebration for my brother and I (our birthdays are just two weeks apart), where we got to meet my sister’s new boyfriend. I also finally met the IRS agent face to face. She was super sweet. They aren’t nearly as scary as you think they might be. That goes for both new boyfriends and IRS agents.

This month also held what quite possibly will ever be the most epic weekend of my life. Our annual river trip (this was the 6th one). I really must elaborate on this one someday, but not until we are sure no one involved will ever run for public office.

I hosted a Dallas (the original TV series) marathon watching party. I am now obsessed with the Ewing family tree. Emmys should be handed out like Halloween candy to that cast. The drama 30 years later is just. as. good.

August 2012 – What didn’t I do this month? I ran a half marathon! I got botox for the first time. I had my first of two high school reunions. I quit eating anything but protein and veggies before my second high school reunion. I discovered a nail salon that will give you a manicure and pedicure for only $32 AND serve you unlimited glasses of wine. It was love at first “you want shellac?”. I will definitely miss that when I’m pregnant. No doubt about that.

And that brings us to September 2012. So far so good. I went to my second high school reunion, went to Dallas to visit my brother, have eaten nothing but carbs since my high school reunion, and am officially ready to kick off our trip to Germany at the end of this week. It is finally here! I am so excited for the trip, but a little nervous of all that it represents.

What if I can’t get pregnant?

What if I get pregnant while hammered?

What if I am sick every single day of my pregnancy?

What if I miscarry?

What if the baby isn’t cute?! Who are we kidding, that isn’t going to happen.

I have lots to be anxious about, but I’m going to do my best to not let it bother me. For now, I’m just going to keep having fun and slowly cut back on caffeine in the morning.

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My niece and nephew’s first Astros game

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The Gages do Port Aransas. This picture still cracks me up.

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Celebrating Terry’s new job!

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Dr. Marc Dean, MD. is such a bad ass.

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This is the only picture I felt was decent enough to post after the race. I looked terrible afterwards and really don’t want any of you to know how bad.

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Astros Wives Gala. Terry and I got to tag along with my bestie Rebecca and her family.

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My house was clean, and I was celebrating this.

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Terry (like the creep that he is!!) took a picture after I passed out the night of my second high school reunion. Yes, that is chocolate chip cookie on my face. Yes, it was there when I woke up 9 hours later.

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The Mr. and I at the largest chess piece in the world. That just happens to be in St. Louis, Mo.

The Pill

Today has been rather slow at work.  A much welcomed change.  So I decided to take a mental “smoke” break and check out pinterest.  Once I found the end of the internet there, I moved on to googling “pregnancy”.

Maybe shouldn’t have done that.  Terry is constantly making fun of all the internet research I do because most the time it is completely over-exaggerated, or possibly not even true.  However, I can’t shake what I just read:

“If you use the pill or patch or shot — or another form of hormonal contraceptives, the sooner you stop, the faster your cycle can return to its natural groove. Hormonal contraceptives usually contain a combo of estrogen and progesterone, which keeps you from getting pregnant by suppressing ovulation or preventing implantation. That’s why it can take a few months after going off birth control for your hormones to get up to speed again and for your period to come regularly. Talk to your practitioner about the best time to get off your birth control: Generally, three months is the preferred time for women using the pill or patch, but it can take up to nine months (or longer) for your reproductive system to bounce back if you use the Depo-Provera injection.”

Como se what? Three to nine months?!!! That means only two weeks of birth control left for me.

I wish I could capture the image of the freak out occurring at my desk right now.  It probably looks something like this.

This is all just happening so fast.  You should know that my mother received the same advice almost exactly 35 years ago, and in a little less than two months from now my oldest brother will be turning 34.   I’m not sure I’m ready to commit to those kind of returns just yet.  At the same time, what if it does take longer than expected?

Any advice is welcomed here.  In the meantime, I’m going back to pinterest.  The happy place where no one scares you with statistics or facts.

Below Average?

I just attended a personal finance “lunch and learn” at work today.  The presentation was intended for women, and the lady from Ameriprise Financial did an outstanding job.  I always preach that doing as much as possible to save for the future is an important goal for everyone to have; but do we always do what we are supposed to?  Of course not.  I was happy to have this class motivate me personally to work harder at making sure our financial future is secure.

However, there was one incredibly scary portion of the presentation.  Scarier to me than the threat of no social security check for me at retirement.  Scarier than the idea of increased tax rates, and scarier than the giant national deficit.  Ok maybe not that scary, but you get my point.

The average cost of a child:  $214,260

I nearly choked on my lunch when she revealed this little factoid.  My friend, Jennifer, couldn’t help but smirk at my reaction.

And since we are being so honest with ourselves here, when do I ever do anything average?  My whole life I’ve always tried for better than average.  It stresses me out to be just mediocre.  Thus my life as an Aggie football fan has proven quite difficult at times.

Is now the time to start being average?  I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I’ve had my eye on a $1,000 crib for over a year now.  That is no average crib.  Maybe I can offset the cost of the crib with cheap clothes?  I’m very good at shopping in my own closet.  Maybe I will do the same with my child!

Somehow this doesn’t reassure me.  One of the biggest reasons I have put off having a child for as long as I have is because I wasn’t sure I was ready for the financial commitment.   $214,260 is one big pill to swallow.  This is basically like paying off law school over and over again.  Lame!

At the same time I can’t help but think it is a bargain for little precious people who look like me and Terry and who will love and care for us when we are old and loony.

So no time like the present to start saving!  Hopefully God doesn’t fufill my mother’s prayers for me to have a child just like me one day.  I know I probably shattered the average cost for my parents.  Oops.  I love you parents!

Maxwell Drew

News like this terrifies me.  9lbs 13oz is just a nice way of saying “my baby was basically 10 pounds!  You should feel really really bad for me!!!”

And I do Jess.  I really really do.  I hope and pray you had a c-section.

I do love the name though!  Middle school will be rough when she is only refered to as “Maxi Pad”, but she will get over that when she rushes in college and makes everyone call her Maxwell Drew officially.

In other news, I’m officially accepting surrogate applications as of May 1st, 2012.  hahaha kidding.  But not if you are interested in the job.

 

 

Just When I think I’m Ready to Have Kids…

This weekend was so fun.  SO fun.

PS So was Las Vegas!  I will recap soon.  For now, know I came back in one piece and with a net gain of $5.

On to the weekend update.  Friday was refreshingly low key and incredibly fun.  I started my day with a client meeting that started with shot-gunning a beer.  It was also my Dad’s birthday, so we celebrated with him for dinner.  I left work at 4:30 which was an outstanding feeling.  Until I hit traffic.  I didn’t experience much traffic during busy season, so I was a bit disgruntled.  Dinner was really nice, and I was happy I got to give my Dad a birthday hug on his actual birthday.  This is rare now that we are older, you know?  On Saturday most of the family met for brunch for a formal celebration of our patriarch.  My Dad never really makes a big fuss about himself, so we tried our best to do it for him.  His sister was there, so it was fun explaining to Lucy the connection between brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles.  I got to sit by Lucy and cut up her food for her.  As you can imagine, I was feeling very mature.

Saturday night I made plans to head to Kingwood to meet my friend Charlotte for drinks.  She was in town for the rest of the weekend, so I wanted to squeeze one more visit out of her.  For those of you that don’t know much about Kingwood, know that “the livable forest” doesn’t really have a hopping bar scene.  So we met at Molly’s Pub, the only place that serves alcohol that isn’t a restaurant in the Kingwood area.  As soon as we arrived, I warned Terry that the outside looks much nicer than the inside.

Many of our high school friends also happened to be home for the weekend, so naturally everyone ended up at Molly’s by the end of the night.  The dynamic of random shady people from the surrounding areas of Kingwood and the imported yuppie crowd of KHS graduates always makes for a great time.  Terry was effectively thrown into the mix during a 20 minute bathroom break where Charlotte and I snuck off to gossip one on one.  Reason #23094830948 for marrying Terry is his ability to have more friends than I do by the end of the night.  When I got back to our table, he knew everyone there and had taken a shot with all of them.  Since I knew we would be commuting home eventually, I stayed mostly sober for the whole night.  Terry didn’t, which made the night so much more fun.  Between assessing every boy from high school on a scale of ‘he is not hotter than me now” and promising to purchase a party bus to transport everyone from our upcoming 10 year reunion in August back to Molly’s pub, I never really stopped laughing.  Terry also became very close to the bartender ‘Bull” and promised his continued patronage whenever we were in the Kingwood area.  Meanwhile, Charlotte and I managed to forge a pretty decent conversation despite all that was going on around us.

At the end of the night, we took Charlotte home to her parents’ house.  Once we were actually in Kingwood, we thought a tour would be appropriate since Terry had never really seen my old house or where I grew up.  So at 2:30AM, we headed back to the old neighborhood.  Terry snapped a few pictures (with the flash on) before realizing we might have the police called on us.  After learning about “greenbelts” and the social class system within the planned community, Terry had all but decided we were moving to Kingwood ASAP.  At this point, I decided it was best we get home.  Truthfully, I am not quite ready for the suburban life just yet.  I really love our urban dwelling/slightly scary neighborhood inside the loop.  Anyways, we headed back, stopping of course at Taco Cabana for nourishment for the journey home.  Terry fed me chaloupas while I drove, and his random commentary made laugh so hard I could barely breathe.  I wish I could tell you what most of the comments were, but sadly I don’t remember them exactly, and I feel they may be way too inappropriate for this blog.

Once we got home I ran up the stairs excited to eat the rest of the Taco Cabana (so sad, but so true).  On the last step, I trip, completely lose my balance, and slam into the ground.  This of course is hilarious to both Terry and myself, and we can barely get me up we are laughing too hard.  We proceed to eat a dozen tortillas con queso and effectively pass out on the couch.  I wake up at 5AM to the worst part of Boogie Nights.  I can’t move though, and my feeble attempts to wake Terry to turn it off fail, so I endure watching for thirty minutes before having the strength to move and wake Terry up.   At 5:30AM we are finally in our bed, and I can’t help but think to myself how this night is so not the one people about to have children have.  How far I have fallen from my morning of cutting Lucy’s chicken fingers into bit size pieces.

We wake up at 1:30pm, and manage to have a fairly productive day.  Thankfully my knee cap was indeed not broken, as I assumed it was earlier that morning.  I’m convinced Taco Cabana queso has extreme healing capabilities.  I’ve based this knowledge on years of experience.  Experience I hopefully never share with my unborn child.  Who will never know about this blog until she has a child of his/her own.

The End is Near

Hello!  I apologize for the long absence.  I hate checking blogs everyday, only to see the exact same post over and over again.  I’m sure you do too.  Alas, I did not win the mega millions, so I have not yet converted to a professional blogger.  I’m still a professional tax accountant, and April 17th is just a few days away.  So bear with me.

This tax season, being my first ever, was incredibly exhausting (Surprise! Not all accountants do tax returns, in fact most don’t).   I’ve worked many hours, thrown a few private hissy fits, and feel as though I’ve finally just passed all of my finals.  While that is a great feeling, I really hoped I was done with that feeling after graduating almost 5 years ago.  I guess it is always a good idea to stay on your toes.  Now that I’m over the hump, I can’t help but look back and realize it wasn’t so bad.  Why is that always the case?   I can only imagine this is what tricks people into having multiple children.

To reward all of our hard work and dedication, my two very generous partners are flying the whole firm to Las Vegas  for most of next week.  We head straight from work on the 17th to the airport, and it is non stop fun until we return on the red-eye Thursday night.  And of course we get Friday off to sleep.  How cool is that?!

I’m so so so excited, as I’ve never been to Las Vegas.  You might be thinking “how is that possible?”  Allow me to defend myself:  I formerly had an acute fear of marrying someone random while intoxicated, and I hate gambling.  Those are both two very legit reasons to avoid the state of Nevada.  I also have very dry skin.  However, now that I am married, I have resolved the first (and most significant) problem, but I would still rather burn money than gamble.  The poor souls that witnessed me stomp away from the faux black jack table at my high school graduation party all know too well how I hate to lose.  And it was fake money.  This proves to be the main reason I have never  had the desire to plan a trip.  Well, that and the dry skin.  But a few days will be manageable on both accounts.

Now that I actually have time to start focusing on the trip (that is accountant talk for I just extended the rest of my returns), I have realized there is SO much more to do in Vegas than just gamble and leave your friend on the roof of your hotel.  Although I’m sure I will still make my rounds around the casino (hello, they serve free drinks), I am more focused on going to see shows, stalk the Kardashians, shop, lay out, and basically have just an awesome time not being at work.

Speaking of laying out, I almost booked a cabana for myself and a couple of co-workers at a nude pool.  That is what many hours of tax preparation will do to your eyesight.  It took my co-worker, Celeste, pointing out all of the women were topless on the website for me to realize it wasn’t just your average hotel pool.  I am just so easily blinded by talk of VIP treatments!  It really is a problem.  Not that I’m anti nudist, I just don’t think anybody needs my pasty white body blinding them after months of only flourescent lighting and late night take out food.  I’ll sacrifice the tan lines for the greater good of the people of Las Vegas.

So unfortunately, this all means I won’t be blogging much next week either.  BUT upon my return, you can expect many more bucket list items to be checked off the list.  What happens in Vegas, will most likely end up on this blog for the sake of your entertainment.

So will the note that I found lying near my car as I left work yesterday.  It turns out it was really intended for my co-worker, Georgia, but she just threw it on the ground.  Good for her.  I now have it hanging in my office for comedic purposes:

In case you can't tell, it says "The way you pulled in makes me wish your parents pulled out! Thanks Ass Hole!" Classy.

Really, who does that? I wish they knew just how hard we laughed over it.  Probably not the desired effect.

Mega Millions

I just got back from a dash to the corner Valero for some lottery tickets.   People have been talking about this for at least a week, but somehow I still managed to be in the dark with the whole “biggest lottery ever” nonsense.   It wasn’t until this morning during Good Morning America that I realized what was going on.   Oh $640 Million.  NOW I get it.  People are lined up for hours to buy these tickets.  I definitely need in on this.

I seriously  thought it was just the Texas Lottery.  Who knew there was a nation wide lottery?!  Shows how much I “play the numbers”.

So I make plans with Terry to purchase tickets today.  Divide and conquer, or something like that.  Yes, I know that we have better odds of being hit by falling plane debris twice in one day than winning the lottery, but you never really know do you.  Until you buy the ticket.  Weirder things have happened.

Celeste and I make our way to Valero and have to ask for help in purchasing the tickets.  Thankfully there wasn’t an awful line or anything to deal with.  Only really nice people who thought we were hilarious.  Turns out you need cash to purchase said tickets.   That’s odd, they don’t let you buy a chance at millions on credit!?  I guess that proves even further how likely it is you won’t win.

We each take out a $20 and head to the register.  I also have $4 in my wallet, so I give her the total $24 and two packs of gum.  Then I ask nicely for the rest to be spent in lottery tickets.  I also asked her to make sure to save enough for one that I could do “manually” (I still don’t know what else to call it.  I just know the term is not “quick pick”).  Well, she (Edith, we are friends now) doesn’t understand me, so I get $20 in quick picks and two packs of gum.  Not sure that is correct math, but I’m sure Edith has been busy all day with other lottery idiots such as myself.

Why do I have the urge to spell quick pick like quickpic?!

I realize I need one more dollar to do the manual ticket.  Celeste casually hands me the Washington like it ain’t no thing.  I couldn’t take it.  I’ve seen enough movies to know you never gamble with someone else’s money.  BUT at the same time I really want that manual ticket.  So I fish through the coins in my purse.  $.50 found.  I also know that I have and additional $.50 in my car.  Perfect! I’m set.  I can pay her fair and square before the numbers are posted.  So I grab the $1 and fill out the ticket with my birthday and our wedding anniversary.  Then I randomly picked 35 as my mega million number because it called to me.

Edith didn’t know what to do with herself when she asked us if we wanted 26 annual payments or one cash prize.  We sat there for a good 5 minutes considering out loud the tax effects of both, the present value of the annuity, would there be interest included, etc.  Then we just looked at Edith and asked what everyone else did.  Which was take the cash prize.  Duh.

So what will I do if I win?  Probably blog professionally.  I guess I might want to crunch out the occasional tax return to keep my skills sharp?  Get a second Master’s degree?  I would like to think I wouldn’t change too much.  Just the obvious things.  Like I would for sure buy a new house that I would custom design with Southern Living,  new cars, new clothes, custom orthopedic Christian Louboutins,  private pilates sessions, a private chef… who are we kidding – servants in general, and Kate Middleton’s friendship.

See I totally wouldn’t change much at all.

Good luck to everyone tonight!